Hi,
Please see below for my Common App essay on diversity, I would really appreciate it if you could give me some constructive criticism on how to improve it. I'm particularly worried that it is not as relevant and specific as it could/should be.
Thank you all in advance!
Chi
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
I have grown up on two continents, in three countries, speaking four languages. Insofar, my life is a living catalogue: The Vietnamese Years, The Czech Years, The German Years, The British Years. The labels are distinct points in a running narrative that is my life.
My family emigrated from Vietnam, then going through the Doi Moi reform, to Eastern Europe in pursuit of a better life. The gradual achievement of this purpose allowed for fascinating observation: step-by-step, I was able to trace my family's ascent through various socio-economic groups as well as the changes that the increase in material means was making on my development. Essentially, I was able to get a view from the inside of the different "classes" and "cultures", allowing me to see more than just one side of a conflict.
Arguably, conflicts arise because no party can ever fully appreciate the perspective of another, as one's opinions and outlook are inherently contingent on one's position. This limited view can often lead to misunderstanding and, given my personal background, I have realized just how important it is to be careful in judging others. It is easy to label people and to judge them accordingly, but I have learnt that to truly understand someone, one must step back and resist from judging him at face value. It is impossible as well as meaningless to analyze something in a metaphorical test tube, taken out of context. Insofar, I try to view everything as a means towards an end rather than an end in itself.
For instance, if someone would like to gain an accurate idea of who I am, it would be nonsensical to try to do so by analyzing single points in my life: 6 years old, currently attending state school; 12 years old - currently attending private international school; 15 years old: currently attending boarding school abroad; 18 years old: currently on a gap year. This approach would be no different from picking random pictures, one by one, from a photo album and analyzing them separately. You can see that if these four snapshots of me were to be looked at in isolation, it would be easy to think that they are in fact pictures of four different individuals rather than of just one.
Consequently, it follows that to take anything out of context is to put it in danger of misrepresentation and misunderstanding. The key to the accurate portrayal and understanding of someone is to flash all the pictures in his photo album to create a series of moving pictures. No, I am not who I was or who I looked to become at 5, 12, 15 or 18 years old, but I am what the aggregate of my experiences has made me to be.
Ultimately, I hope to contribute to the diversity in a college community not only by bringing my own diversity or life experiences but, more importantly, by bringing my perspective borne out of those - I believe that diversity can only be beneficial when it is understood and respected.
Please see below for my Common App essay on diversity, I would really appreciate it if you could give me some constructive criticism on how to improve it. I'm particularly worried that it is not as relevant and specific as it could/should be.
Thank you all in advance!
Chi
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
I have grown up on two continents, in three countries, speaking four languages. Insofar, my life is a living catalogue: The Vietnamese Years, The Czech Years, The German Years, The British Years. The labels are distinct points in a running narrative that is my life.
My family emigrated from Vietnam, then going through the Doi Moi reform, to Eastern Europe in pursuit of a better life. The gradual achievement of this purpose allowed for fascinating observation: step-by-step, I was able to trace my family's ascent through various socio-economic groups as well as the changes that the increase in material means was making on my development. Essentially, I was able to get a view from the inside of the different "classes" and "cultures", allowing me to see more than just one side of a conflict.
Arguably, conflicts arise because no party can ever fully appreciate the perspective of another, as one's opinions and outlook are inherently contingent on one's position. This limited view can often lead to misunderstanding and, given my personal background, I have realized just how important it is to be careful in judging others. It is easy to label people and to judge them accordingly, but I have learnt that to truly understand someone, one must step back and resist from judging him at face value. It is impossible as well as meaningless to analyze something in a metaphorical test tube, taken out of context. Insofar, I try to view everything as a means towards an end rather than an end in itself.
For instance, if someone would like to gain an accurate idea of who I am, it would be nonsensical to try to do so by analyzing single points in my life: 6 years old, currently attending state school; 12 years old - currently attending private international school; 15 years old: currently attending boarding school abroad; 18 years old: currently on a gap year. This approach would be no different from picking random pictures, one by one, from a photo album and analyzing them separately. You can see that if these four snapshots of me were to be looked at in isolation, it would be easy to think that they are in fact pictures of four different individuals rather than of just one.
Consequently, it follows that to take anything out of context is to put it in danger of misrepresentation and misunderstanding. The key to the accurate portrayal and understanding of someone is to flash all the pictures in his photo album to create a series of moving pictures. No, I am not who I was or who I looked to become at 5, 12, 15 or 18 years old, but I am what the aggregate of my experiences has made me to be.
Ultimately, I hope to contribute to the diversity in a college community not only by bringing my own diversity or life experiences but, more importantly, by bringing my perspective borne out of those - I believe that diversity can only be beneficial when it is understood and respected.