Haemangiomas occur five times more often in females than in males. I was perhaps at the shallow end of the gene pool when I was bequeathed one in my upper left thigh. An agonizing vascular malformation, its impact on my life is one which has shaped me into who I am today. The pain deprived me of the opportunity to participate in any form of athletics requiring the slightest bit of exertion.
Seeing my peers go out for their games period as I grew up inflicted me with a psychological wound, which eventually scarred into an inferiority complex. In order to rid my self of that despicable self-pitying feeling, I came up with this useful acronym: NOW- No Opportunity Waits. This proved to be interestingly inspiring in the most discouraging of times. I think the pain nurtured a whole new sense of special relativity with other people's problems in me. It was the triggering factor which drove me to help those less privileged than me. Seeing the injustices people go through while you're lying on your comfortable couch is not a welcoming feeling. It made /makes me swell up with guilt, and I finally concluded that the universe chooses some people to maintain harmony and parity throughout it, and I was on the waiting list, so to speak. I realized this when I read a Syntopicon quote, which said: "Those who do not falter or give way, who do not despair in the face of even hopeless odds, who have the strength and stamina to achieve what they have set their minds and wills to do so, are men of courage." Hence, that summer I did an internship at the National Rural Support Programme. Seeing the hardships that people of our impoverished rural areas face, and how determined they were to work their way to development only motivated me further to rescue them from this plight.
Now I just needed a medium through which I could bring about change.
When I realized that sports weren't my forte, I decided to converge all of my energy towards music to achieve this goal of mine. Music is definitely my life's passion. I consider it as a universal language which can convey any emotion on a more primitive and comprehensive level. I guess I sort of figured this out when Eve Ensler organized a theatrical display at PNCA in order to celebrate The 16 days of Women's Rights. A diversified selection of speakers shared the anecdotes of persecuted women in it and I ended the show by covering a song by Michael Heart called "we will not go down in Gaza tonight". I chose to sing and not read out an anecdote because I wanted to experiment whether music appeals to an audience more or whether eloquent speech does. And I was right! Everyone took a photocopy of the lyrics of the song as they left the hall. I had just found my medium.
Contemporary Pakistani musicians such as Shezad Roy and Abrar ul Haq are the greatest source of inspiration for me, These guys have established schools and hospitals to help the underprivileged, driven charity campaigns, and have even had a political impact on our country. Their practically the next thing to our leaders, and in fact, the youth has a greater tendency to lend them an ear than to our politicians. I'm pretty sure these guys aren't the classic case of those buffoons who in twenty years from now regret to have chosen a field which didn't suit them and so they spend the remaining of their lives wallowing in self-pity. Ergo, I aspire to follow in the footsteps of these musicians. Hence when "Broadway bridges" (A talent hunt show organized by the American Voices) came to Pakistan last year, opportunity banged a blatant knock on my window! This was the first time Broadway had ever been brought to Pakistan, and after giving a successful audition, I was one of the 13 to have been selected in the under 18s category to perform in it. Dancing with a bad leg obviously is no walk in the park, yet I worked hard on it. I was sick and tired of holding back on my potential physical abilities. At the end of the rehearsals, I was the one flipping and dancing around the most as the lot of us swayed our heads along to "Footloose" in colorful costumes. And yes, it was definitely worth the pain. After I began to be recognized musically, my inferiority complex dissolved, and I realized I had taken the first solid step towards my philanthropic goal.
My haemangioma inspired me to not only help, but to create as well. As I grew more mature, I asked myself that why should other people have to deal with my bad attitude, it would only drive them away from me. So I decided to translate that pain musically, and I managed to come up with my first song. Starting with a simple down stroke on an A suspended 5 chord, it goes to a sad C sharp minor and ends with a hope- inspiring B major. I call it 'Aik darya' which means "the river" in English and I consider it my biggest musical achievement yet, since this song officially gave me the right to call myself an aspiring musician and composer.
I had my haemangioma operated this August and am fully capable of running and playing now. Not to mention I have this really huge cool scar on my thigh. From where I stand today, I think making my fingers bleed from practicing the guitar and singing my lungs out did pay off. I think it was a blessing in disguise that I didn't get my operation some two to four years back. I would make an analogy about my significant experience by applying Hess's law from chemistry; the intermediates which form during the formation of the products play the role of life changing experiences. The activation energy plays the role of that one constituent which drove me to choose a different pathway to the final product. That activation energy was enduring of consistent pain, which made me realize that instead of wanting all the good things from life, I have to give something back to it to in order to maintain universal balance , and that is what will complete my journey as a human being.
Seeing my peers go out for their games period as I grew up inflicted me with a psychological wound, which eventually scarred into an inferiority complex. In order to rid my self of that despicable self-pitying feeling, I came up with this useful acronym: NOW- No Opportunity Waits. This proved to be interestingly inspiring in the most discouraging of times. I think the pain nurtured a whole new sense of special relativity with other people's problems in me. It was the triggering factor which drove me to help those less privileged than me. Seeing the injustices people go through while you're lying on your comfortable couch is not a welcoming feeling. It made /makes me swell up with guilt, and I finally concluded that the universe chooses some people to maintain harmony and parity throughout it, and I was on the waiting list, so to speak. I realized this when I read a Syntopicon quote, which said: "Those who do not falter or give way, who do not despair in the face of even hopeless odds, who have the strength and stamina to achieve what they have set their minds and wills to do so, are men of courage." Hence, that summer I did an internship at the National Rural Support Programme. Seeing the hardships that people of our impoverished rural areas face, and how determined they were to work their way to development only motivated me further to rescue them from this plight.
Now I just needed a medium through which I could bring about change.
When I realized that sports weren't my forte, I decided to converge all of my energy towards music to achieve this goal of mine. Music is definitely my life's passion. I consider it as a universal language which can convey any emotion on a more primitive and comprehensive level. I guess I sort of figured this out when Eve Ensler organized a theatrical display at PNCA in order to celebrate The 16 days of Women's Rights. A diversified selection of speakers shared the anecdotes of persecuted women in it and I ended the show by covering a song by Michael Heart called "we will not go down in Gaza tonight". I chose to sing and not read out an anecdote because I wanted to experiment whether music appeals to an audience more or whether eloquent speech does. And I was right! Everyone took a photocopy of the lyrics of the song as they left the hall. I had just found my medium.
Contemporary Pakistani musicians such as Shezad Roy and Abrar ul Haq are the greatest source of inspiration for me, These guys have established schools and hospitals to help the underprivileged, driven charity campaigns, and have even had a political impact on our country. Their practically the next thing to our leaders, and in fact, the youth has a greater tendency to lend them an ear than to our politicians. I'm pretty sure these guys aren't the classic case of those buffoons who in twenty years from now regret to have chosen a field which didn't suit them and so they spend the remaining of their lives wallowing in self-pity. Ergo, I aspire to follow in the footsteps of these musicians. Hence when "Broadway bridges" (A talent hunt show organized by the American Voices) came to Pakistan last year, opportunity banged a blatant knock on my window! This was the first time Broadway had ever been brought to Pakistan, and after giving a successful audition, I was one of the 13 to have been selected in the under 18s category to perform in it. Dancing with a bad leg obviously is no walk in the park, yet I worked hard on it. I was sick and tired of holding back on my potential physical abilities. At the end of the rehearsals, I was the one flipping and dancing around the most as the lot of us swayed our heads along to "Footloose" in colorful costumes. And yes, it was definitely worth the pain. After I began to be recognized musically, my inferiority complex dissolved, and I realized I had taken the first solid step towards my philanthropic goal.
My haemangioma inspired me to not only help, but to create as well. As I grew more mature, I asked myself that why should other people have to deal with my bad attitude, it would only drive them away from me. So I decided to translate that pain musically, and I managed to come up with my first song. Starting with a simple down stroke on an A suspended 5 chord, it goes to a sad C sharp minor and ends with a hope- inspiring B major. I call it 'Aik darya' which means "the river" in English and I consider it my biggest musical achievement yet, since this song officially gave me the right to call myself an aspiring musician and composer.
I had my haemangioma operated this August and am fully capable of running and playing now. Not to mention I have this really huge cool scar on my thigh. From where I stand today, I think making my fingers bleed from practicing the guitar and singing my lungs out did pay off. I think it was a blessing in disguise that I didn't get my operation some two to four years back. I would make an analogy about my significant experience by applying Hess's law from chemistry; the intermediates which form during the formation of the products play the role of life changing experiences. The activation energy plays the role of that one constituent which drove me to choose a different pathway to the final product. That activation energy was enduring of consistent pain, which made me realize that instead of wanting all the good things from life, I have to give something back to it to in order to maintain universal balance , and that is what will complete my journey as a human being.
