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I am half Filipino, a quarter Sri Lankan and a quarter Anglo Indian; Roomate/Babson



leo_francis101 1 / -  
Dec 28, 2009   #1
Write a letter to your first-year roommate at Babson. Tell him or her what it will be like to live with you, why you chose Babson, and what you are looking forward to the most in college :

Dear Roommate,

Let me first congratulate us on reaching this milestone of getting into this prestigious college and I hope that the next 4 years together will be the most unforgettable time of our lives.

My name is Leonardo Miguel Francis; I am half Filipino, a quarter Sri Lankan and a quarter Anglo Indian. I lived in Malaysia for the first twelve years of my life and have resided in Singapore for the past six years.

Let me sum myself in three words to you. Committed, sensitive and flexible. Committed in what I do, whether if it's at the gym, in the class room or with our friendship. I am here for you, rain or shine, good days and bad days, I feel that being roommates is like a marriage, and will try my best to make us work. I would say that I am a sensitive person and an understanding individual. Being brought up in an environment of mixed characters and ideals, I believe has led to a growth of sensitivity and understanding towards others. So if you have any personal problems I will be here for you and I hope that you will be there for me too. I am very sociable, very helpful and will not cause any commotion as a roommate. I may not be the smartest guy who is brilliant in calculus or what not, but I know I will be a good friend who is sensitive, understanding and loyal to you. The last word that I would best describe myself is flexible. I am an easy going guy who gets along with anyone and would get on with work no matter the situation as I can adapt and adjust myself. We are in a new place, with new classmates, and I hope that we will get through this new venture together as friends. I feel that these 3 traits best describe myself and would hope that these traits collaborate with yours to build a friendship that I hope, would last a lifetime.

Babson has always been a school that is on the top of my list because of what it can offer me - a great business education. I chose Babson College because of its renowned business program in entrepreneurship, as I come from a family that is very business minded. My father runs a logistics business which deals with the navies of the world, including the US navy, who is his number one customer. Babson will give me the skills and knowledge that could help direct the company into a whole new direction through diversification and expansion. Being the eldest in the family I feel that I have big shoes to fill and hope that Babson could help me fit into my father's shoes. Babson's elite academia, diverse student culture and the school's vision and values are very important to me as I think this overall experience will lead to my growth as a student and individual who can achieve greater results in the future. Innovation, diversity and excellence are the key foundations the school follows and I believe it is these foundations that can help us fulfill our dreams in the business world. I hope that you will be there with me to support me, as I will be supporting your aspirations and dreams whatever it may be.

What I am looking forward to most in college, is to build strong relationships with students and teachers, the unforgettable moments that we will experience together, the challenges we will face and overcome together. I also eagerly look forward to the day we receive our degrees in our hands, reflecting on the four years we spent together, as we did our best and have taken our first steps together into the real world.

Sincerely,

Leonardo Francis

360_yo - / 2  
Dec 28, 2009   #2
there is no flow...it sounds more as if someone is blabing...i didnt get interested...da 1st thing u shud do is catch da reader's attention, den put ur points in a neat arrangement with some flowery language, n da endin must mak da readr want 2 think abt da essay in a good way aftr readin it..lyk u want 2 re-read a good book....dat's basically my idea of doing it..
jyu104 14 / 44  
Dec 28, 2009   #3
Let me first congratulate us on reaching this milestone of getting into this prestigious college and I hope that the next 4 years together will be the most unforgettable time of our lives.

The above ^ is soooo formal, you would not write that to your future room mate...

I feel it is blabbing as well, you should focus on one idea

Work on the second major paragraph and make it stronger, it has too many ideas
collegechic - / 7  
Jan 3, 2010   #4
this letter doesn't catch the reader's attention. Will you be this formal if you met your roommate in person? Give the letter a more natural voice.I'm not saying you should be sloppy with your vocabulary but don't you think saying

Let me first congratulate us on reaching this milestone of getting into this prestigious college

Babson's elite academia

sounds really stuffy and formal. Also I'm not sure you should say

I feel that being roommates is like a marriage

Personally, i would be freaked out if my roommate said that to me.

as I come from a family that is very business minded. My father runs a logistics business which deals with the navies of the world, including the US navy, who is his number one customer. Babson will give me the skills and knowledge that could help direct the company into a whole new direction through diversification and expansion. Being the eldest in the family I feel that I have big shoes to fill and hope that Babson could help me fit into my father's shoes.

This part makes you sound like you really don't have passion; more like you're into business because your family is. BTW I hope my comments are useful. This can become a great letter if you cut out the faulty parts.


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