Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 6

"Happiness is relative, truth is absolute, randomness is awkward" - Rice Perspective


thedarktiger 1 / 9  
Dec 31, 2010   #1
Just an idea that came to me today, what do you all think?

Happiness is relative, truth is absolute, and randomness is awkward. It is also awkward to absolutely relate what I am like to an unseen stranger miles away from my house, yet my desire to join Rice's beautiful campus compels me to do it. However, this is a tough cookie, I had to ask myself a few questions and in process, I learned more about myself than I had previously known. Wow. College applications should be a religion because they definitely lead to more self-enlightenment than any religion I have come across, no offense.

In this journey to find myself, I asked me a few questions. "Ashish," I asked, "what do you like?" I told myself, "Ashish, I enjoy eating the Indian food that my mom cooks, I like drawing, painting, and taking photos. I write poems when I am stressed and I enjoy that too. I love to debate and biology is my favorite subj-"

"Hold up!" I interjected. "Why do you like biology?"

"Well, Ashish" He - err - I replied, slightly annoyed that I interrupted myself, "I love it because it is just beautiful - like Rice's campus. Biology is a science that is still being researched and the more we discover about it, the more we are able to help people. I want to help people."

"Fair enough. What is your favorite feeling?"

I paused a moment, slightly confused at the question. Feeling? Where in the world were these questions coming from? "Inspiration. I love being inspired."

I smiled. I had already known the answer to that question before I asked it. I am a dynamic student, an ever free-floating cloud of thoughts captured in a restless body always seeking to be challenged. I love inspiration.

"Ashish, can you tell me any defining characteristics about you? What do you take pride in having done? What do you think makes you a good person?"

"That's a good question Ashish (I would fix the contraction at the beginning of this sentence, but since I am quoting myself it would be a misquote if I did). I am a leader and a man of service, no doubt. I take pride in the fact that am the president and founder of our school's debate team and the fact that I am the president of both Mu Alpha Theta, and Art Club simultaneously. I believe I did my best as a co-captain of the Quiz Bowl team this year and that I am still doing a good job as the secretary of Science National Honor Society. I love being the person in charge for organizations that are making a difference, whether that difference is giving intellectual stimulants to students who yearn for knowledge, or whether that is enhancing creativity at my school, I am and always want to be at the forefront of the organization helping people. I like helping people. On top of that, I have been a member of the Chinmaya Mission learning Hindu values for over ten years. Through their institution I have planted trees with the former president of India, I have been the master of ceremony at numerous events spreading Hindu values and cultures, I have tutored students in math, and I have done countless more hours of selfless service for the benefit of society. I pride myself in being a man of service, and a true community member."

From this last speech I was in tears. I managed to wince out my final question. "What perspective of yourself do you think you can bring to Rice's campus, Ashish?"

"I can only bring what I know I am good at. I know that as the leader of so many organizations at school I will be an active member of the campus community. I can be trusted to stick to commitments and get things done. I know that at Rice I can look forward to being at a home away from home with their Residential Campus, and just as any man does work around the house, so too will I complete many activities of service to give back to the gracious community. If blessed with the opportunity of going to the institution, Rice can look forward to an active student leader, committed to helping the community, and a diligent, hard working student."

When our conversation was over, I felt different, as if the man standing in the mirror, and the man in reality were different, though the same. The man in the mirror was me, and I was him, but it was as if I knew so little about him, as if I was hidden away, always dwelling in the world and never inside myself. In the next moment it did not matter anymore; dinner was ready and we were having curry... with rice.
amazingA 8 / 35  
Dec 31, 2010   #2
nice! at least it will be a breaker from all the other monotonous essays..i have no particular comments other than the fact that Rice is looking for the quality of writing (read the prompt). a better part of it is written in a very "facebooky" manner, which does not show your writing skills (i hope they are much better than this). but hey, risky can have greater odds

all in all, its a good piece for a free application, something an indian like you wouldn't let go off right ;)
livedreamfly3 3 / 30  
Dec 31, 2010   #3
this is a tough cookie

cliche?

When our conversation was over, I felt different, as if the man standing in the mirror, and the man in reality were different, though the same. The man in the mirror was me, and I was him, but it was as if I knew so little about him, as if I was hidden away, always dwelling in the world and never inside myself. In the next moment it did not matter anymore; dinner was ready and we were having curry... with rice.

you did a good job of summing the essay together.

but i'm not exactly sure you'd really want to go from this angle. it's very unique and original, however, some could perceive it as corny and forced.

***thanks for reading my essay :D
ShadoPoig 11 / 36  
Dec 31, 2010   #4
I actually really like this essay! It's very unique and even somewhat risky. But the writing-after all these revisions-is great and the idea is fresh.

Sorry I don't have as many edits to give you, but what can I say? The voice really comes through and the writing is very accessible.

Great work!
anchanado 2 / 6  
Dec 31, 2010   #5
i liked how you looked inside yourself to find the answers to the questions. i liked reading about your process. overall its a really good essay. good luck!
Mick 3 / 14  
Dec 31, 2010   #6
"Ashish, I enjoy eating the Indian food that my mom cooks, I like drawing, painting, and taking photos. I write poems when I am stressed and I enjoy that too . I love to debate and biology is my favorite subj-" Maybe add in something you like that is unique to you? A lot of people like to draw and take photos and like biology. Is there a special talent or interest that you have that no one else you know has?

"Well, Ashish" He - err - I replied, slightly annoyed that I interrupted myself- If you're trying to make this humorous, you can leave it the way it is. But I think the whole talking to yourself thing works fine without you acknowledging that you're doing it lol.

I like the whole talking to yourself idea. I don't think it's been done before. It seems a bit long in some areas. The one paragraph where you talk about what you're proud of just seems to be a resume in paragraph form. Try to add stuff that is special to you that you couldn't put on a resume or a college application. Personality is the purpose of a college essay. Otherwise, I like the idea. Good Luck!

Anyone care to read my Brown Supplement??


Home / Undergraduate / "Happiness is relative, truth is absolute, randomness is awkward" - Rice Perspective