Hardworking, motivated and caring - University of BC Personal Profile

I'm applying to UBC comp sci and have to write a personal profile thingy. I'm not a very good writer so any help would be appreciated. I know its a lot, but even just tips for one of the questions would help a lot. Thanks in advance heres what I got so far, questions included:

Question 1
Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 1500 characters)

My friends and family would describe me as a hardworking, motivated and caring person. Although I have always enjoyed school, in 2023, I made it my New Year's resolution to achieve straight A's, and not only did I accomplish this last year, but I exceeded my own expectations. I set my sights even higher for Grade 12, aiming for at least 90% in all my classes, and I'm on track to achieve this goal. Whenever I commit to something, I dive in fully and make sure I reach my goals and aspirations.
At school I joined our new "IT Club", where I worked with my peers to help teachers with technology and make sure everything works properly. I learned a lot about computers and how to fix them, but the biggest thing I learned was how to work in a team. When I first joined I only knew one or two people but as time went on we all became friends and were able to fix things much faster. That being said, it wasn't always smooth sailing. We definitely had our fair share of disagreements about how we should fix things, but the important thing was that we worked them out together.
These experiences have really solidified my belief that computer science is the perfect program for me. I love working with technology to help solve problems and even if it's only a little bit, to help my community and people I care about. At UBC, I hope I can continue to build my skills, make connections with like-minded students, and learn how to contribute to the world through technology.

One question per thread please.

Once again, thank you to anyone who has any advice

Your response is incorrect. For this essay, your family, friends, and community must see you in varying ways. This is a character trait essay that should help the reviewer understand how you function in various situations and why it makes you an asset to that group. So changing it up per community would help your application a lot. You should find something to be proud of about yourself that actually combines all 3 different traits in the accomplishment (if possible). This does not have to be focused on your chosen major or what you hope to accomplish in college. The accomplishment should only reflect the person that you are, based on the perspectives of the other people who interact with you.

Interesting essay but I think that this could be more engaging with some changes. First, I think that starting off with "hardworking, motivated, and caring" is pretty basic/generic. So it might be more beneficial to tell a specific story that shows these qualities you have. You could start off with an example from IT Club or your journey to get good grades. Secondly, the part about your academic accomplishments is good, but you should focus more on how it connects to who you are. Like why are those grades important to you? Adding this kind of context can make it more meaningful. Also, talk more about details regarding IT club, instead of talking about general arguments and and teamwork be more specific on a certain problem and how you contributed to solving it. And lastly, for the ending it seems a little rushed so talk more about why comp sci excites you and how your experiences have made you ready for UBC. Good luck!