Harvard Supplement Short Answer - Briefly elaborate on one of extracurricular activities

Please help me correct any punctuation and grammar errors and tell me if the tone is appropriate or not. Thank you

Born and raised in the Middle East, I learned the art of belly dancing from my aunt when I was little, and I cannot thank her enough.

I am a fan of all styles of music and dance. Even when I sit still, listening to music, I imagine myself dancing. No matter where I go and what I do, dance is a permanent part of my life.

I feel on top of the world when I dance. Dance makes all my problems and worries look trivial. The exhilarating sound of music in sync with the movements of my body feeds my soul. I feel confident and graceful when I dance. Music flows through me; it relaxes me. I embody the rhythms; I pour all I am into dancing. Sometimes I think that those who watch me dance can catch a glimpse of my soul.

Hello,

The major issue with this is that it is not Harvard level writing. Since this is a short essay, you really need to pack a punch here and this essay is rather dull. To spice it up, utilize more metaphors and take the reader on an intense journey. Allow us to hear the same music you are dancing to and fall under the same trance. Once you do this, it will be a much improved essay. -Admissions Advice Online

Hope this helps.