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"joining the tennis club" briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities


xiaoluv 1 / -  
Oct 2, 2010   #1
During my senior year, I have decided to get more involved by joining the tennis club. With no experience at all, the first try outs was difficult for me. As time passes, I became frustrated with my performance. I wanted to quit but I thought to myself and realized that, "what will I benefit if I stop now?" I did not let that negativity get to me. There was more for me to learn. I strive to do better every time by practicing with my team members. They were there to support me every way and to cheer for me. My team members were able to help me get through the times when I felt like giving up.

I realized tennis is not about how good you play. It is about having fun and working as a team. The best experience so far was I gave my best effort in the tournament, and I played much better than before with my partner. Even though we lost, we lost knowing that we used our ambitions and hard work while having fun.

any feedbacks?
okay so far I have 180 words and the limit is 150.
can you help me? thanks.
gabshel 3 / 7  
Oct 4, 2010   #2
I like this essay one thing really stood out to me:
Without any experience, the first try outs was difficult. As time passes , I became frustrated with my performance and I wanted to quit.

you change tenses. If you say As time passed...
it would sound fine also it would be "the first try out" not "try outs"

and try not to use contractions :]

other than those few things that stood out i think it is great


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