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Harvard commonapp supplement essays- about use of education


shaigupta94 1 / 3  
Dec 12, 2012   #1
Please provide any specific comments about my harvard essay below.
Prompt:- How u hope to use your college education

Computer Programs - Next generation Creatures
12 years of school and finally 4 years of college, or may be 2 more years of college, or maybe 2 more years of college and then were done. Round about 16-19 years of education, what an extent. But education is not limited to college, but the real education begins after it, when we have to face the world. In a world where we fall back and then again stand out for a life-going battle.

PROGRAMMING-a 11 character word, whose meaning is still swirling inside my mind. Since my childhood, I have been passionate for computer science and technology. Codes, algorithms and machinery fascinated a 10 year old boy (me). Creating electronic gadgets, and then programming them became integral part of my little life.

Programming acted like a drug for me. Each passing day I grew more addicted to it. In my high school I grew more inclined to artificial intelligence and about its applications in practical life. For me programming is fun; it is like a computer game in which I play with codes and algorithms. But later, in my junior year, I discovered that programming was not just fun; it could be extremely practical. When I visited my local hospital to get treated for a cold, I was floored by seeing hundreds of people waiting in line for hours to see one of the two doctors present. I found myself thinking of applying what I had learned about neural networks in an online class to develop a system for automatic recognition of diseases based on symptoms. But due to lack of adequate research facilities, and 'professional' programming skills, I failed to create such type of programs.

Sometimes I even think why not we have programs which do not require any human interaction. In my high school every day I observe teachers signing in a registrar's booklet to mark their presence in the school, and further another person uploading the attendances' data in a computer. Why we do not have programs which just by reading teachers' faces put up their attendances. Then we will save a lot of time and indeed, a lot of paper. Programs are potentially very powerful, as I said when we will save paper, and then we will definitely save trees.

College education will build me into a person with critical programming skills, and then I will be able to create programs which will be capable of taking attendances of teachers just by scanning their faces, imagining Hospital's patients receiving treatment faster, and also capable of managing houses, buildings, offices, parking lots, automobiles. Much more like programs will be capable of taking rapid decisions on their own and without any human interference. Combined efforts of programming and machinery will make unimaginable things possible, like a blind person driving a car, though the person just needs to instruct the car where he wants to go, and automatically the car will take him. By the use of computer science I want to make human being's life much easier and handy.

Please provide comments....
Thank you
SadeAjayi 3 / 7  
Dec 12, 2012   #2
Well written essay. I like how everything is coherent and how it flows
It shows how passionate you are about what you wanna study. I think you should submit this,al
OP shaigupta94 1 / 3  
Dec 12, 2012   #3
Thank You SadeAjayi
But i wanna know is my 1 para okay. i mean does it sound odd.

please comment...
DrS 1 / 24 5  
Dec 12, 2012   #4
When I visited my local hospital to get treated for a cold, I was floored by seeing hundreds of people waiting in line for hours to see one of the two doctors present. I found myself thinking of applying what I had learned about neural networks in an online class to develop a system for automatic recognition of diseases based on symptoms. But due to lack of adequate research facilities, and 'professional' programming skills, I failed to create such type of programs.

Sometimes I even think why not we have programs which do not require any human interaction. In my high school every day I observe teachers signing in a registrar's booklet to mark their presence in the school, and further another person uploading the attendances' data in a computer. Why we do not have programs which just by reading teachers' faces put up their attendances. Then we will save a lot of time and indeed, a lot of paper. Programs are potentially very powerful, as I said when we will save paper, and then we will definitely save trees.

~~
Change these two paragraphs. You sound extremely pretentious by mentioning these hypothetical examples. "A system of automatic recognition of disease based on symptoms." If we were to have that, we wouldn't have doctors anymore.

"programs just by reading teachers' faces put up their attendances"

You're not a genius. Don't try to sound like one. It makes YOU sound pompous and fake.

Sorry for being harsh.
mzontario 9 / 43  
Dec 13, 2012   #5
12 years of school and finally 4 years of college, or may be 2 more years of college, or maybe 2 more years of college and then were done. Round about 16-19 years of education, what an extent. But education is not limited to college, but the real education begins after it, when we have to face the world. In a world where we fall back and then again stand out for a life-going battle.

and then WE'RE done.

I feel like we're / your would both work but I'm would feel more personal.

'But education is not limited to college, but the real education begins after it, when we have to face the world. In a world where we fall back and then again stand out for a life-going battle.'

^major grammar issues here.

However, education is not limited to college, for the real education begins after when we need to face the world in which we continually fall and stand back up against life's long battles?
OP shaigupta94 1 / 3  
Dec 13, 2012   #6
thanks mzontario... your comment was worth it..
But i want to know paragraphs 1 & 2suits my essays.
Is my essay up to a college level essay...

please comment
thank you everybody for commenting
coollog 3 / 7  
Dec 15, 2012   #7
All in all your examples of the uses of computer science hint at creating conveniences. Possibly, in addition to the examples, you should explicitly state, possibly in a sentence or two, a conclusion on the effectiveness of programming to create for us a more convenient world.

- Advice from a fellow applicant for CS
college134nj - / 44 7  
Dec 16, 2012   #8
i think it's really coherent and flows well. Good job! just remove that "PROGRAMMING - 11 char word" thing since it's WAY too cheesy. seriously. other than that, excellent. ur voice comes through extremely well.


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