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Harvard (optional) essay- about Iran and travel.



username621 3 / 15  
Aug 19, 2009   #1
To some, if not many, Iran conjures up words like "Axis of Evil", "nuclear bombs" and "terrorism.", Such stereotypes were ingrained into my mind as I stepped off the airport tarmac in Tehran, Iran when I was fifteen. My family had decided to visit our dwindling number of relatives still living in Iran. I remember nearing the Mehrabad Airport, as the British pilot announced that all ladies must cover their hair with a headscarf. In a flurry, women snatched for the scarves tied daintily around their necks, placing them around their hair. I struggled with my thick woolen scarf, stifled by the way it imprisoned me. As I walked past menacing guards and women in black, full-length chadors, the typecasts deepened in my mind. I fell asleep that night anxious for what was to come during my stay over the next month.

First on our agenda was meeting my "long-lost" relatives. What would my cousins think of my American accented Farsi? Would they feel offended by what Bush had said about their country?

As I walked into the front door, the mutual unease vanished after only a few seconds, as I felt like I belonged- not only to this family, but to the Iranian culture. The kindness and euphoria emitted from these relatives, mere strangers if seen on the street, was welcoming.

As I traveled around the country, in Shiraz, Esfehan and elsewhere, the people I met were excited to learn I came from the US. Just as to early twentieth century European immigrants America meant opportunity, to Iranians, it meant freedom from oppression.

The look on the streets of Iran was nothing like that of the airport. Young men donned baggy jeans and Adidas shoes, listening to illegal Madonna tapes. The young women's chadors were mere handkerchiefs, while their bold make-up and nose jobs was what made a statement. They were aware but still defiant of the infamous "fashion police".

One month later, the grief of departure was overwhelming. I felt I was leaving behind my second home as I said my good-byes to my aunts, uncles and cousins. When I abandoned my stereotypes on the front step of my aunt's home, I embraced my heritage. I understood then that Iran is not how a handful of clergy portray it, but how its people do.

Following the aspirations and horrors of the 2009 elections, Iran's corrupt leaders have lost all legitimacy. Now it is the people of Iran who have risen to represent their country. The stereotypes of Iranians must be shattered, so that the world can support the imprisoned college students, Neda's symbolism and the millions around the world gathering for yet another day of protest.

EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Aug 19, 2009   #2
This is a really strong essay. It is original and detailed, with a style that is easy to read overall. There are a few grammatical things, but I'll leave most of them for our members who like to nitpick. One suggestion, though:

The stereotypes of Iranians must be shattered, so that the world can support the imprisoned college students, Neda's symbolism and the millions around the world gathering for yet another day of protest.

This doesn't quite work with the parallel structure you are attempting to use. You can support students and protesters, but not symbolism, or at least not in the same way.
EF_Simone 2 / 1975  
Aug 20, 2009   #3
Yes, this is exactly what an optional essay should be. You tell a specific story with vivid detail, thereby illustrating an important point. You make reference to issues larger than yourself while at the same time demonstrating personal growth. I hope that other forum users will have a look at this essay.

My only suggestion would be to flesh out the conclusion. I'm not entirely in agreement with Sean about that sentence, but it's certainly true that the confusion arises because you are trying to squeeze too much into one sentence. Perhaps you could share how you felt when seeing the pictures from the protests and suggest that such images replace the stereotypes in our minds.
OP username621 3 / 15  
Aug 21, 2009   #4
Thanks for the advice! I'll definitely change the conclusion to mesh more with the rest of the essay thanks for the suggestions.
OP username621 3 / 15  
Aug 21, 2009   #5
I changed the last sentence "capper" into two new ones. Comments?

Following the aspirations and horrors of the 2009 elections, Iran's corrupt leaders have lost all legitimacy. Now it is the people of Iran who have risen to represent their country. The Facebook images and Tweets replace the stereotypes created by decades of misunderstanding. They urge the world to support the innocent detainees and the millions gathering for yet another day of protests.
raven 4 / 12  
Aug 21, 2009   #6
Wow, this is a wonderful essay. And the new conclusion sounds better. I really admire the way you write. :)
EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Aug 22, 2009   #8
Yep, your new conclusion reads very well, and will work as a solid replacement for the sentence you had originally.


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