In this essay, please reflect on something you would like us to know about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application, or on something about which you would like to say more. You may write about anything-from personal experiences or interests to intellectual pursuits. (Please answer in 500 words or less.)
Heart racing. Feet pounding. Sweat rolling down my face like tears. I glance up, and see all twelve of my teammates at least a lap ahead. Again. As they each finish their final lap, they turn around and start cheering.
"Come on Molly! Way to go! You've got this!"
They know I hate it when they do this, drawing attention to my failure. They're just cheering because Coach told them to. I almost fall over when I finally cross the line after my last lap, struggling to let air into my suffocated lungs.
It wasn't asthma, or a lung disease, or even gluten intolerance. Nothing my doctor suggested worked. All I know is that my lung capacity never caught up with the rest of my body. My mom tried to comfort me.
"Sweetie, maybe your lungs just aren't strong enough. These things take time; you just need to build up their strength."
I had been working out since seventh grade. I played two sports. I did more than enough cardio. What more could I possibly do to 'build up their strength.' It wasn't that I was a competitive athlete, trying to make it to the state competition, or achieve an athletic scholarship. I was just sick of being the last one off the court, I was sick of being laughed at when I had a panic attack in the middle of the pool because I couldn't get enough air.
Every step was a battle between giving up and pushing forward. Yet I fought on. I wouldn't let my ragged breathing or the taste of blood I the back of my throat stop me from what I loved about sports. The rush you feel when you're moving as fast as you possibly can. The adrenaline you feel when you steal the ball from your opponent. The bonds you make with your teammates, teaching you about the importance of teamwork and allowing you to create some of your strongest friendships. Even with all of the pain and embarrassment, I wouldn't change a single minute of my time as an athlete, and live with the hope that one day perhaps I will be able to run with the wind in my face and air in my lungs.
You effectively secured your general direction, concise yet full, and there is a central message of enduring through inherent problems (your lungs) yet it seems like you have an appreciation for the entire ordeal. I enjoyed reading your essay. I would suggest reading through the tense shifts in your essay ( although it just might be my English deficiency) but other than that, good impression overall.
stop me from what i love about sports...
make this part have a universal impact to your life beyond sports
so like: " stop me from doing what I love. Sticking to sports despite the physical pain it causes me makes sticking to other things a breeze. I can stay up late all night doing homework or push myself through a whole day of school because I'm used to working through pain for the things i love."
Im doing yale too if you could give some feedback
