Help with my Waterloo AIF! (Comp. Sci / Math [Data Science])

Any comments or suggestions are appreciated, I don't know if my response is good enough.

Question 1:

Reasons for choosing your program and Waterloo (*Required)

Please tell us about your educational goals, your interest in your chosen program(s), and your reasons for applying to the University of Waterloo. If you have applied to more than one program please discuss your interest in each program. (900 character limit)

The seemingly mysterious nature of technology has been a driving force in its advancement. I, too, have been captivated by its complexity since my childhood. My father has been a significant inspiration as a software engineer. Acknowledging my interest, my father taught me the software/hardware connections and software languages. The high school computer science courses, online courses, and personal projects solidified my interest, and Waterloo is the university where I can actualize my dream of becoming a backend software developer, my reason for applying to the Computer Science and Mathematics programs. Waterloo, with its co-op education program and affiliation with MSRI, the distinguished lecturers, well-funded and independent math department, various research conferences, 250+ student-run clubs, and unique courses such as CS136, is the inclusive community in which I can thrive.

@heet
Hi there! I personally really like your response to the question, but I believe it would be better if you talked more about your educational goals.

Since the character limit is quite short, maybe it would be helpful if you delete or shorten the following sentences:

"The seemingly ... I, too, ..."

"my reason for applying ..."

Good luck!

There are two keywords in this essay that will weaken your consideration for a student slot. The words are "childhood" and "father". These two words signify that you did not understand the discussion instructions and what the goal of your response should be.Let's break this down into sections:

Educational Goals in Relation to the Program
Your response has to show a degree of self analysis regarding your current skills and your future considerations for a career. These cannot be based on childhood fancies and parental humoring. Rather, this has to highlight your interests in a manner that justifies additional education in the field. What do you specifically want to learn about? Why do you think that Waterloo offers the best academic and practical training for your career aspirations? How does your chosen major at the university address your motivation and objectives?

Only after you have responded to these 2 basic questions can you develop a response that highlights your plans to hone your technical skills through the co-op program and other activities. Try to be more specific. You will need to look into related activities and training at the university. Do research. Read the blogs of former students and use whatever information you can that relates to your chosen major and university choice. These researched information should help you present a more personal response that considers all of the required information from the prompt.