Anyone could review my essay?
Essay A: Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
Throughout my eighteen-year life, I have been lucky enough to meet those teachers who have supported me, given me necessary criticism, and taught me how to live my life. After all, of all those superior teachers, Susan, my high school English teacher is the most important one to me, for she has changed me and my life since the day I met her.
Susan produced me the biggest smile I had ever seen on my first day in senior high school. She is as breezy and heart-warming as her smile. However, haven't been aware of that for months. I did not like her. I regarded her humor as being affected, I disliked her too direct way to criticize others; I was antipathetic to her blaming me when others did not hand in their homework (I was appointed to be her assistant and collecting homework was my duty). Then when spotting a poster discussing Susan on the school forum, being conscious that she would see it, I submitted, "I dislike her" simply. Simply bad thing I did.
I realized that after a serious talk with Susan, when she told me she saw my poster. I thought she would scold me; she said nothing more. After a long silence, I began to speak. "I did not mean to hurt you. I just wanted you to know that I didn't like the way you behave." I was frank; so was Susan. "I don't blame you; I knew sometimes I'm just too direct and hurt others feelings. You and I are totally different kinds of person and we have different ways of doing things. I appreciate your criticism, and I will be happy if that goes in another way next time, a direct way. You know, I'd like to see an out-going you." I will never forget her words, for it was probably the first candid conversation I had had with others.
For sixteen years, I have been morbidly introverted, locking myself in my own territory, and did not communicate with others and did not knew the significance to be frank and direct. I can hardly remember what I used to be; I intentionally get rid of my memory of my silent period, because I find it terrible whenever I recall it.
In my two-year study in high school, Susan has exercised an invisible, formative influence on me. Now I smile sincerely, tell my feelings boldly, and have become a good communicator. Sometimes I feel that to a great extend I resemble Susan. I should not have disliked her; I love what I am now. Sometimes when I see face in the mirror, I smile from my heart. It was Susan who has shaped me like this.
In the first sentence the use of After all sounds somewhat awkward.
However, if I am to chose the most influential, it would, without any doubt, be Susan. My life has changed a great deal since I have met her, firstly imperceptibly but later irretrievably.
Second paragraph- the following is a sort of run on sentence:
However, haven't been aware of that for months.
The last sentence of second paragraph could be written as:
However I did not know that was soon going to change.
This sentence could be replaced by something better
I should not have disliked her
I wonder how the attitude, which I once hated the most, has become the thing I want to follow.[You should find better]
