History Will be Kind to me for I intend to write it. Cornell Supplement Essay.

In addition to completing the Academic Interest Essay, please choose and discuss a quotation or personal motto that reflects your values and beliefs and tells us something about the kind of person you are. Your response should total approximately 500 to 750 words.

"History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it"
- Sir Winston Churchill

When I read this quote, I felt immediately connected to it. Sir Winston Churchill was not bragging about himself. He was not saying I am the greatest thing on earth; therefore, history will write about me. No, Churchill was saying, I will do my best to make the world a better place, so my legacy will always be remembered as good. He knew his purpose, he knew his destiny, the same way I know my purpose, and I know my destiny.

My purpose was apparent the moment I was born. I came into this world as a beautiful 21 inches and 10 pounds baby girl. As you can imagine, I stuck out like a sore thumb at the nursery. Surrounded by 6 pounds or so babies, I was the huge 3-month-old-looking newborn. Since then my entire family knew I was going to be different, very different, and they were right. I always had three distinctive qualities, passionate, talkative and curious. All three combined made up an entertaining formula. If I read a topic I liked, I would become instantly obsessed with it. I just had to learn every detail about it and I would talk endlessly about it too. However, one day, when I was 8 years old, I came across a morbid topic, The Holocaust. I remember being so angry when I was watching Schindler's list. I was sad and furious. How could people be so evil? I asked myself. Don't they realize they are human beings just like them, just like me? Before my mom, brother or sister could realize I was already in my new fad.

Can you imagine an 8 year old looking for information on the Holocaust? I was scared, yes, but not by the blood or the corpses on the pictures. I was scared to think that anything like this could happen for so long and nobody thought of stopping it. I was scared to think what those children must have thought when they felt so much hate towards them. Suddenly, my innocent world shattered. I saw the cruelty of discrimination and injustice. I saw innocence been taken away out of precious lives for no reason. I decided that I was not going to turn a blind eye if an injustice occurred. I was going to speak out and I did. I believed that violence would not solve anything, that words were our strongest weapon. I also believed that if I was not knowledgeable, my beliefs and values were completely fruitless. Therefore, I was driven to learn. As I grew older, I started to comprehend who I was to become. I was going to change the world even if it just one person, I had to make a difference. I needed to know that my existence in this world was not going to be in vain.

The thing about my obsessions is that they are not impractical or fleeting. Each one shaped the way I am. My France obsession made me want to learn French. My obsession with animals made me an animal's right activist. My obsession with creating and food now makes me avid gourmet cook. My obsession with the heroes of WWII led me to Sir Winston Churchill. Finally, my obsession with saving the world, made me apply to this school.

My purpose in life is not just to go to an Ivy League University or to graduate from a top Law School. My purpose is to use all of what I worked so hard for and use it to help those who need it the most. My purpose in life is to change the pattern of this world. My purpose is to inspire others. My purpose is to make this world a better place. Sir Winston Churchill was an admirable and undoubtedly one of the greatest men in history. Nobody could have put in better words who will I become, because; history will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.

Please any advice will be welcome. I am sure it has tons of grammatical mistakes. This is a rough draft. I was told it sounded to cocky.

Oh, heavens! Your purpose was evident the moment you were born? You came into the world beautiful? You'll be writing history? This goes well beyond cocky and into the realm of stratospheric egotism.


Yes, because I did the same. You're smart, obviously, but not so special as you imagine. But my main point in selecting this quote is that here you are cooing over yourself as a parent would coo over their child.

You seem to be a quite bright, creative, and ethical person. Those traits will be evident to others if you write about yourself and your interests. You don't have to constantly draw our attention to them and you absolutely must not posit yourself as so very, very special (even if that's what you secretly believe). Seriously: Tone it down. Use the space where you now sing your own praises to share more information that demonstrates the qualities you would like the reader to perceive in you.

Why yes, it does sound too cocky. Instead of being obsessed with France, animals, food, heroes, and saving the world, you come across as being obsessed with yourself.

I won't go into any grammar corrections because this piece needs a complete rewrite, but I will give you a few thoughts:

Spell out numbers--especially those small ones like, "three-month old."

When you do your rewrite, don't go into your birth weight like is it something that makes you superior--your weight at birth has no bearing on your odds of being successful in college.

The use of so many rhetorical questions in a formal essay is distracting. Stop asking the reader to think and let them get on with your narrative.

Watch your capitalization. The list in Schindler's List should be capitalized, for example, while law and school should not be. Keep in mind the difference between common nouns (any old law school, or even a top law school) and proper nouns (Harvard Law School). Usually a word like list would not be capitalized, but this is Schindler's List, and it is the title of a movie.

Thank you so much for your advice. I guess the quote wasn't the correct choice. The other quote I had in mind was "The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion." by Thomas Paine. However I was afraid it will come out too goody goody. I want to clarify some things. I see where some stuff I said can look as though I'm being extremely cocky. When I said my purpose was evident since I was born was due the fact that I was born so huge. I stood out in the crowd. I used to the word beautiful as an intro to the "21 inches and 10 pounds" fact. I didn't mean to sound overly inlove with myself, I just wanted to state how I always stood out not because I was special but because I was different. While giving a funny anecdote of who I am. However, I do see your point and will be making those changes. Another note is that

Can you imagine an 8 year old looking for information on the Holocaust?

What I was trying to say was can somebody imagine such an innocent mind learning about such evilness. My biggest doubt was just that, that the essay will come out to full of myself and in no way I want them to think that. I am very grateful for your advice. My question is should I eliminate the whole entire essay, or keep the body and modify and create a new introduction and conclusion using a whole new quote?

I appreciate your help :)

P.s: This is also another possible contender, "Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."

-Louisa May Alcott

Actually, there were parts of the essay in which I felt the writer was trying too hard to show off her 'cleverness'. Instead of being impressed, I just thought that the writer came across as an idiot.


^I really do not see how this is unimaginable. The general overtone in this essay is one of self-assigned superiority.

It is a really boring read in that sense.
The essay also lacks a clear focus, as it just shifts from one point to the other unnecessarily.


^I am sorry, but that has just got to have been one of the worst introductions I have ever read.
Purpose apparent since you were born? What purpose, and who told you that?
Beautiful? You have every right to believe that you are, but to flatter yourself like that on such a subjective matter such as beauty in an admissions essay, is pretty much kidding yourself.

And no, I can not imagine you sticking out. I see no reason why you should anyways. Typically, Id assume that the 'ugliest' babies stand out actually.

I understand what you were trying to do after reading your explanations. I love watching the directors' commentaries on movies because I can learn what was going through the directors' minds as they were filming scenes. Scenes are sometimes interpreted completely differently by viewers than the directors intended. I think that is your problem here--you have all these thoughts about how you would like to write your essay, but without the commentary of your intentions, the essay is seen very differently by your readers. You won't have a chance to explain yourself to the committee beyond the writing you send them. Maybe sure that writing says what you want it to say without any room for a negative interpretation.

I don't think I would use a quote at all. This is your college application essay. With tight word limits, you should be talking more about yourself than presenting quotes from others. It can work, but the college app essays that are really effective show instead of tell. Share your attributes through a narrative that shows the admissions people what kind of person you are.

Notoman,

Thank you for your advice. I am glad you understood intention but its exactly like you said, I can't be there to explain my essay to the admissions officers. I will be rewriting the essay today and will post the revised essay as soon as I can. I got to admit, I wasn't quite content with this essay. I feel like I'm not writing to my fullest potential. I am in a sorta writer's block. I also want to apologize for not making my prompt clearer. I am applying for transfer at CAS Cornell. This are the CAS (College of Arts and Sciences) instructions for their supplements essay:

In addition to completing the Academic Interest Essay, please choose and discuss a quotation or personal motto that reflects your values and beliefs and tells us something about the kind of person you are. Your response should total approximately 500 to 750 words.

Unfortunately, I can not use a quote, since it is required to use one. I will be changing the current quote. I believe the quote gives a sorta arrogant impression. Since you now know my intentions behind the essay, which of the quotes that I wrote in my previous post will suit more my purposes? Suggestions are also welcomed ;) Again thank you, everybody, for your advice.

Why dont you quote something from an interesting piece of literature.
I personally think that quoting celebrated leaders, in an admissions essay, is a bit of a cliche and a bit boring.
Also, anyone can google a quote, but it takes personal interest to find a meaningful quote in a decent piece of literature.

Liebe,

I love your idea. You are absolutely right. Thank you so much! It will certainly give it a special touch. =)

Perhaps you have some favorite books or poems to which you could look for a quotation? Another benefit of doing it this way is that you are unlikely to choose a quotation that has been used by many other students.

I am actually in the process of looking into my favorite books. I was going to use a quote by Atticus in To kill a mocking bird:

"I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do".

It is THE book that influenced me to become a lawyer. But I see how can Atticus may be overused. I tend to mark my favorite quotes in books, so I'm in good place. One that I found that I really see potential to it was from the most unlikeliest books, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It is said by Sirius Black:

"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals".

I read the whole entire series over and over again. They were the first books that I literally stopped my life to read them. I know they aren't a Jane Austen book (One of me favorite authors, by the way) but they do have an essence to them. I like how unprecedented this quote is to come from a "children book" Anyways, I'm rambling. Those are two that really caught my eye. Tomorrow I'll venture into my literary class books, I know I have a poems there that I just love. But this new direction is creatively more inspiring than just choosing a random quote by a said leader. Thanks again you guys :)

Good to know! Yes, you need a quote.

Liebe's idea (with Simone's echo) would work well. I like both of the quotes that you mentioned. They come across as much less arrogant and either one would make a good foundation for an essay.

I don't think that Harry Potter would be too childish. I am not even sure why they are classified as children's books--especially the later volumes. Rowling didn't exactly dumb down her writing or put constraints on the length of her text. The Harry Potter books are more akin to Alice in Wonderland, without the LSD. British schools have added Potter to the required reading list for A-levels.

Notoman,

I wholeheartedly agree. I have been an avid fan of the Harry Potter series since 6th grade. I haven't really read any other book from the "children or youth section" aside from Cuidad de las Bestias (The City of Beasts) by Isabel Allende until very recently. I did read the Twilight series some months ago. The book is certainly entertaining and very much a chick book but after reading it, I could differentiate much better the difference from a teenage book to a book book. JK Rowling's books are so much more well written and developed than the Twilight books. I really came to appreciate the true beauty of Harry Potter after reading Twilight. It gave me a whole new perspective. It is sad that some people consider it a children book, especially here in Puerto Rico. In fact, I was taunted in Junior High because I read the books. But it all really comes down to a matter of appreciation and getting rid of the prejudice against the series. Just because its a book about a boy who is wizard, does not mean that it is childish.

True! Yes, I read the Twilight series--my girlfriend made me. She said that I reminded her of Edward so my curiosity was piqued. The Harry Potter books are *much* better written. I am amazed at how well developed they are and how Rowling was able to maintain the continuity (with only one little slip up) throughout the series. I have to admit, I learned a lot of Latin from Harry Potter.

Is La Cuidad de las Bestias in Spanish? If it is in English, was it originally in Spanish? Is the translation any good? Is it worth the read? Hablo espańol pero los verbos son muy difícil para mi porque hace mucho tiempos. (As you can tell from that sentence, it would be tough for me to read it in Spanish).

The book is originally in Spanish. Isabel Allende is a very celebrated author in the Latin community. She has written many well known books like like Casa de los Espiritus (The House of Spirits) and El Reino del Dragon de Oro (The Kingdom of the Golden Dragon, which is a sequel to City of Beasts). City of Beast is her first young reader book. I love mostly all of her books. I read it in Spanish, back in 10th grade. The book is about Alexander, a 15 year old teenager who reluctantly has to stay with his eccentric, gruff grandmother, Kate, while his mother is being treated for cancer. He then must accompany his grandmother, who is sent on a writing assignment in South America to search for a legendary nine-foot-tall "Beast." (This is taken from amazon.com) The book is very good, it reminded me of JK Rowling's style. Actually, my 30 year old brother, who absolutely hates reading and has never finished an entire book, read it and loved it. It is sorta like an young Indiana Jones adventure. I truly do recommend it. I know they have a translation in English but I have never read it but its worth a shot. :)Don't worry, even though Spanish is supposed to be my first language, I know how much of a pain it is to learn it. However, since the book is really not that "advanced" maybe you can give it a shot in Spanish first. I think it can help you with your Spanish. Read an excerpt of the book in Spanish and another in English and see which one do you prefer. You can read a piece of the book in Amazon.com. They have both versions. =)

A whole new essay, please revise.

It was a cold and a rainy night, perfect for some hot chocolate. I went to get some and I sat on my favorite armchair, wiggling my way to comfort. As soon as I deemed myself perfectly cozy, I covered myself with my blue blanket. I was ready. I picked up my book and began to read another chapter of the boy who becomes a wizard. As I immersed myself deeper and deeper into their world, I read something that resonated in my mind like an echo. "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals," said Sirius Black. I sat there thinking about what I just read. I got a highlighter and marked it in neon yellow. I looked at it once more and continued reading my book.

I woke up the next morning startled. A creature with a wet black nose, crisp white fur and dark black eyes was on top of me. "Pumaa!" I whined, as he licked me all over my face. I smiled, grabbed him and gave him a big kiss, "I love you, too," Ever since I could remember, animals have been a big part of my life. At my grandparent's house there were hens with there little chicks everywhere. Meanwhile, at my house, dogs ruled the day and eventually, after some persuasion from my part, cats shared the reign. For some reason, I always had this unique bond with animals. I love dogs, cats, bunnies, hamster, even snakes. If I saw an animal in need, I would do my best to rescue it. My family had an affectionate nickname for me, Dr. Doolittle. I was always asked why I didn't study to become a veterinarian and every time I would answer, "Because I don't have the strength to see them suffer."

I live in a beautiful island, but like everything, it has its downside. In Puerto Rico, stray sick, hungry dogs and cats haunts our streets. Animals are tortured on a daily basis. Their corpses lie on the streets and rot under the sun, until the government has no choice but pick them up because of the stench. It has been happening for such a long time, that people have grown accustomed to it. That is why I felt so connected with what Sirius Black said. One of the three things, I consider to be the worst a person can do is animal torture. If a person cannot show compassion or love toward an innocent creature, which has done him or her no harm, how can you expect them to show compassion for another human being?

Animals, like everything else on Earth, are not just decorations or accessories in our surroundings. They have a purpose, and although, they do not speak, they do feel. It may sound corny, but animals can bring happiness and joy to people. If people only realized the benefits of treating animals with dignity, the world would be such a different place. I agree, "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals," For its only then when his true self comes out.

*Notes:

-It is a rough draft, so it may be a grammatical error galore :)
-I feel the conclusion is a bit weak :S and I may be sounding too argumentative and Im not really doing the prompt.

Reminder:

I liked this essay. A couple of things though,


Not quite as bad as "It was a dark and stormy night," but still . . .


Raises the question of "what do you want to study to become?" And "what does your love of animals have to do with your chosen profession?"


This just invites readers to imagine what the two things you rank up there with animal torture are. An amusing game, to be sure, but I don't think you want the admissions officers to associate you with a mental list of horrible acts.

change no churchill... to nay churchhill