Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 3


"History has been my obsession" - Statement of Purpose essay for UT



kensmith199 2 / 2  
Jul 15, 2011   #1
Hello, my name is Ken Smith and I am hoping to attend the University of Texas at Austin as transfer student from California. I would appreciate any feedback that anybody has. Thank you!

History has not just been a passion of mine but an obsession. Since my sophomore world history class, I fell in love with the subject and knew that I wanted to make it my life by not only studying it but teaching it as well so I can share my obsession with others and teaching history is my ultimate goal. I was able to grasp the subject quickly and excelled in it not only through my high school years but my time in my college years as well and it was in college that I realized I wanted to teach. I've always had a desire to learn as much as I possibly can about the subject especially World War II history and military history since it intrigued me the most. Members of family have fought in Korea, Iwo Jima during World War II, and the Civil War as well. I can remember the bookshelves of historical books that occupied my grandparents' houses that are now in my possession due to their untimely passing. So not only is history my passion but it is in my blood as well. The part of history I am most fascinated about it World War II history. From the Rise of Hitler's Third Reich to the Normandy invasion and finally to the Japanese surrender aboard the United States battleship USS Missouri, I strive to know as much about the subject as I possibly can. I want to major in history but there is no better school out there than the University of Texas at Austin to help me achieve this goal and make my dream become a reality.

I am transferring from Mt. San Antonio College here in Walnut, California which I have attended since fall 2009 and prior to that I attended Citrus College in my hometown of Glendora California from the fall of 2005 to spring 2009. I transferred to Mt. San Antonio College to enroll in their Fire Technology program after I completed my EMT course at Citrus College but realized that that was not the career path I wanted to follow so I continued to pursue my passion of history. I researched schools that had an excellent history department and when I saw that UT was one of the top schools I knew I had to visit the school. I've always been a Longhorns fan since part of my family is from Texas and have always wanted to visit Texas and so last year I attended the transfer seminar that UT had put on and spent some time in the city to get a feel for not only campus life but city life in Austin as well. I fell in love with the city and especially the school. I talked to a few of the students who were currently enrolled and they had nothing but great things to say about the college and sold me on the college. Although I was born in California, I have always wanted to move out of state. I have enjoyed California since it was where I was born and my family resides but I have always felt like I was not a right fit for Southern California living. My heart will always be in California but in order to accomplish my ultimate goal of becoming a college history professor and teach World War II history I have to follow my dream. A dream that I believe UT can help me achieve. Mt. San Antonio College and Citrus College have helped mold me academically into the student I have become and I have enjoyed my time at the two institutions and California has molded me into the person I have become but I feel that UT can shape me into the not only the student I can be but the future person I can be as well.

History is a limitless subject in terms of learning because history happens every day and it is what makes the subject exciting. One such event that just occurred in mid-July 2011 was the remains of German S.S. Deputy Rudolf Hess were cremated after Neo-Nazis made a shrine out of his grave. Another event that is history in the making is the current conflict in the Middle East. Events like these are what excites me about history and inspire me to learn more about the subject and I know UT and the history department at UT can offer me the tools to do so.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jul 17, 2011   #2
Welcome, Ken! Thanks for sharing the essay.

History has been an obsession. During my sophomore world history class, I fell in love with...

So not only is history my passion but it is in my blood as well.---Excellent, very good...

Teaching the subject is my ultimate goal --no, this is not the ultimate goal. Dig deeper. Infuse the essay with a real vision of the future.

A statement of purpose essay is designed for students to express themselves in a way that exemplifies not only their personalities but their purpose for choosing the particular school they are applying to and I know that my purpose is to attend UT and to major in histo This sentence is not helpful.

Attending the University of Texas at Austin would be the highlight of my life and it would be a privilege to be accepted to this institution. This part is just fluff. You should not include simple, nice comments like this. Focus always on your single most important concept. You are talking about not only history but also teaching. What is your philosophy of teaching? What have you been reading about teaching or about history? Do not just say, "I like to share knowledge." Show that you have been reading books and articles that history professors might read.

Mention what you are reading lately... :-)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jul 23, 2011   #3
My passion not only stemmed from school but from my personal life as well. I think you can cut this sentence. The reader can figure it out on here own. Know what I mean? Less is more. Let the reader wonder.

Ha ha, you live in a place called Walnut, hahahah....

When the time came to choose what college I wanted to transfer to it was an easy decision and that was the University of Texas at Austin. I researched schools that had an excellent history department and when I saw that UT was one of the top schools I knew I had to visit the school. This part is insubstantial.

You know what? I think you can get a better theme. What theme is better than "history is my obsession"...? Can you dig deeper and ... perhaps use history as a means to a greater end? Teaching history can help you achieve a grand aspiration. What is that aspiration?

p.s. the essay is already impressive. I am just trying to provide some ideas...

great job!!!


Home / Undergraduate / "History has been my obsession" - Statement of Purpose essay for UT
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳