How did you hlear about njit and why are you aplying for admision?

hi, i want you guys to help me on my essay, i want to know how can i improve it. the question is:

Hos did you hlear about njit and why are you aplying for admision?

I began using computer when i was 5 years old, even though i did not know how to read yet or learned the alphabet; I was always attracted to computer games. I remember asking my mother "How do I turn the computer on?" "Where do I go to enter my game?". As time passed by and i grew older, I started playing more sophisticated games. when I was eight years old, my uncle bought me Star Craft, a strategy game made from Blizzard. I loved that game and that is when i decided that I wanted to make games and that my dream job will be a programmer at Blizzard.

I am from Peru. Peru is a country where making games is not a succesful career. However, because I was to little I did not realized that. I remember when I was eleven; I began doing research about computer language like c++, c and java. I learned the basics of c++, at first it was hard, but then it become really fun. That pushed me me more towards my goal.

When i was 12 years old, my parents decided to come to the United States with my sister and me. At first it was hard because I did not know english. I remember that I was really scared because it was so different from Peru. For example, the houses, the stores, the way people lived, the streets. Everithing was new to me, evem the language.

When i graduated from middle school, my sister who was 4 years older than me was graduating from high school and had entered NJIT. She was the one who told me all about the good things about this university. I saw how she filled out her application, how she wrote her essay and how she researched colleges. I went with her to see the dorms, the facility and i really liked it. That was the biggest influence on my choice for applying to NJIT.

What attracts me to NJIT is that it excels when it comes to engineering. I know that this school is capable of doing great things and will help me a lot in my dreams to get a job at Blizzard.

--> I began using the computer when I was five years old. Even though I did not know how to read, I was always attracted to computer games.

(You always spell out numbers one through ten. I deleted "learned the alphabet" because it is redundant. If you don't know how to read you wouldn't know the alphabet would you?)



--> When I was...


--> Woah that was really abrupt and random. I see where you are going with the following sentence but you should really try to make it flow better.


--> However, because I was too little...


--> i feel like this is irrelevant

Only the last two paragraphs answered the prompt. The rest of the essay was like an introductory that should be cut a little shorter.
I hope this helped : )

Good Luck!!!

I think this sentence above is unnecessary... instead of describing the game, describe your transformation and the seed of curiosity that was planted for you.

...help me a lot in my dream of getting a job at Blizzard. ------> Is there another way to describe this dream? Can you refer not to your intended employer but instead to the professional position to whic you aspire? I think that would be better... better if you speak in terms of the expertise you want rather than the employer you want.