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Hofstra Essay - I am GSL of THS


mobious_1 3 / 6  
Nov 15, 2008   #1
I am GSL of THS. I am not posting this so that others may copy it. I am the original author of this piece and reserve all of my rights to. I am posting it with the SOLE purpose of getting advice on it. DO NOT STEAL MY WORK!!!

This is an essay that is due today, so if you can read it over that would be great. Even if you can't do it today, please read it over as it will help me in my future essays.

Thanks

Describe a meaningful event or experience and how it has changed or affected the person you are.

I love school; I enjoy my accelerated, advanced placement, and college now classes. I also love the library, where I enjoy reading, studying, and researching. I actively participate in activities like sing, drama club, mock trial, and Latin club. However, the activity in which I have experienced and gained the most inner personal growth has been the concert choir.

When I first entered [high school], against my mother's expressed wishes I might add, I was a young, fragile, and vulnerable boy who was riddled with anxieties. I was extremely uncomfortable in large, overwhelming, and over crowded places. Tottenville has over four thousand students and staff and is at 132% capacity. As a matter of fact, Tottenville is the largest high school in Staten Island. However, I chose the school because it offered the perfect accelerated academic program for me, the Institute of the Classics and Humanities, and it offered all of the extra curricular activities that interested me. I also chose Tottenville because I wanted to challenge myself to overcome my anxieties and discomforts so I could better prepare myself for college and the real world.

With each performance, chorus has allowed me to face my anxieties head on. Where anxiety and timidity had once dwelled, confidence and enthusiasm now exist. Because of the growth I have experienced from chorus, I now thrive as a student and individual. Almost without realizing it, I have been changed for the better by my experiences. The magnitude of my growth became evident this year on September 11th. Every year my school traditionally performs at South Street Sea Port for a memorial concert. This year, as we were waiting to perform, I noticed one of the freshmen looking panicked by the crowds, a feeling I was most familiar with. The area was loud, crowded, and overwhelming. The occasion was stressful and he was nervous about performing in front of thousands of people, the mayor, and the media. I approached him and reassured him that he was well prepared and had done well at rehearsal. I shared with him that when I first came to Tottenville, I was nervous too. With my support and encouragement, he relaxed almost immediately. Moments latter, as we performed, and I stepped forward and started my recitation of Lincoln's inspirational Gettysburg Address, I realized something; that freshman used to be me. I used to panic at the drop of the hat. Performances in front of people used to terrify me. I realized that I was a completely different person now, I had not only compensated for my difficulties, but I had conquered them.

Today I am confident and I deal with stressful situations with grace and calm. I am not shy or timid, I'm outgoing and expressive, and I'm not afraid to raise my hand in class to offer my thoughts, questions, or opinions. I went beyond dealing with my anxieties, or even surviving my anxieties, I conquered them. Being in chorus is largely responsible for this.

OP mobious_1 3 / 6  
Nov 15, 2008   #2
It wont let me edit. This is my new first paragraph

I love school; I enjoy my accelerated, advanced placement, and college now classes. I also love the library, where I enjoy reading, studying, and researching. I actively participate in activities like SING, Drama Club, Mock Trial, and Latin Club. However, the experience in which I have gained the most inner personal growth has been the concert choir.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 15, 2008   #3
Good evening :)

OK, let's see:

As a matter of fact, Tottenville is the largest high school on Staten Island.

I am not shy or timid, I'mAvoid contractions in formal academic writing; this should be "I am." outgoing and expressive, and I'm not afraid to raise my hand in class to offer my thoughts, questions, or opinions. I went beyond dealing with my anxieties, or even surviving my anxieties; I conquered them.

A very nice piece! Great explanation!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP mobious_1 3 / 6  
Nov 17, 2008   #4
thank you so much
OP mobious_1 3 / 6  
Aug 11, 2009   #5
In every other forum I've been a moderator or admin in, moderators can edit titles. I'm so sorry to be a nuisance, but is there anyway my school of origin can be removed?
EF_Team [Moderator] 41 / 222 15  
Aug 11, 2009   #6
Copy-paste exactly what you'd like to edit or remove.


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