my opening sentence isn't very catching but, I'm unsure of how to fix it.
That's an important question, and maybe more important than the rest of the essay. First impressions and all. : ) What is it that makes a first sentence catching? I look at other great pieces of writing for inspiration, examples, and Ideas. If you look at a few famous pieces of writing you might get a great idea. I think it's important to surprise the reader with something unexpected.
Well, your writing style is very nice... I'll nitpick as you requested:
How do you feel about the word 'occurrences'? That's four syllables, so it's big and fat and inefficient. Nothing about the word carries enough emotion, imagery, or action to counterbalance all those syllables. I guess I'm prejudiced against words with a poor ratio of punch to syllables.
The last sentence of the first paragraph makes it sound like you don't yet know what change you need.
I think your goal is not to become a civil rights lawyer. I think that is a means to an end, and the real goal is:
public outreach and advocacy for reforms in compulsory education. This is general and vague, so it makes you seem like your vision of the future is general and vague. I challenge you to show the reader a picture of the future.... specific things you'd like to do. And a picture of the present -- things happening now that you wish you could influence. Get some solid content for the essay by looking at current events and seeing what is more important to you, the reason for wanting to choose this profession. A big part of your essay should be using action verbs and imagery words to show the reader a picture of the present and the future, what you want to do. Another big part is to show them why the specific attributes of USC are going to make you more effective and better prepared for what you want to do.
The purpose of holistic medicine is to attend to function by meeting all challenges with awareness that everything is affected by everything else. The purpose of a holistic education is also about function. The essay might be better with some great examples of current events that relate to the values that drive you to study law and contribute to reform. But if you claim to want that, it's good to focus more on current and future events that pertain to the values that underlie your ideas for reform, or your enthusiasm for making a difference this way.
: )