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Home stay program in Japan - My hobbies, culture activities, sporting activities


tienhd1k52 1 / 2  
Mar 7, 2014   #1
Here is my essay after correcting some parts, please lets me know much more about my essay.

My interest in chemistry began in my first year at the Secondary School. From that time, I totally realized that chemistry was so interesting and i started studying chemistry with all of my curiousness. I had been standing in Chemistry olympiad team, joined in several competitions with some awards during secondary school to university.

Also, I like studying foreign languages, I began to study studying Korean, Japanese and English because I felt it is the best way to understand those cultures. I also love to make new friendships with those who come from diverse backgrounds. That again is one of the best ways to broaden my perspectives about the world and what it offers to people. My 18 months Home stay program in Japan enabled me to make many such new friendships. I was introduced to Japanese lifestyle, traditions, cultural festivals like Obon, Kagura, Onsen etc. I even learned the Japanese language and became able to handle a conversation in Japanese.

I like reading detective novels, traveling and working oversea to challenge my self with new environment.
I am working in chemical engineering field then I travel all over Japan to many refineries, power stations or industrial zones. It is also a chance for me to experience some places with their interesting customs.

About sporting activities, i love watching and playing football. I used to play football with some French friends in Korea when we were in the same class.

I sometimes play baseball with my colleagues in the weekend or go hiking to the mountains. I used to climb to the top of three mountains passing 14 km trekking in one day.

I love spending time with my family, cooking dinner together and playing with children.

Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Mar 8, 2014   #2
I have been seriously interested in chemistry since the first year atin secondary school.

I chose to study chemistry simply because I could resolve my sister's homework problem with full of surprise from my family, 8th grade chemistry homework was a huge obstacle for me- 6th grade student.

....this sentence does not flow that well. Why you bring in your sister into the picture? That's not clear to the reader. Either you need to tell more about that aspect or you should leave that part out. Do you think it has significant relevance to your topic?
OP tienhd1k52 1 / 2  
Mar 8, 2014   #3
Thank you so much Pahan.
I used to think that it is not clear to the reader. I just want to convince that the reason i felt in love with chemistry become from something so special.

then i wrote that sentence in my way. but i do not know the best way to express its meaning. should i remove it?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 9, 2014   #4
I have been seriously interested in chemistry since the first year at secondary school.

My interest in chemistry began in my first year at the Secondary School.

....this sentence does not flow that well. Why you bring in your sister into the picture? That's not clear to the reader. Either you need to tell more about that aspect or you should leave that part out. Do you think it has significant relevance to your topic?

I agree... I think you should talk more about your passion for chemistry and how you pursued that passion, what you achieved etc.

Also, iI like studying foreign languages, iIhave beenbegan to studystudying Korean, Japanese and English because I felt it is the best way to understand otherthose cultures is to study their languages.
OP tienhd1k52 1 / 2  
Mar 9, 2014   #5
thank you very much. Could you please review all my essay?
i am afraid that there are so many mistakes.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 10, 2014   #6
Ok, let's have a look at this section;

I realized that I like making friendship with people from various countries, sharing our cultures to discover the world....

I also love to make new friendships with those who come from diverse backgrounds. That again is one of the best ways to broaden my perspectives about the world and what it offers to people. My 18 months Home stay program in Japan enabled me to make many such new friendships. I was introduced to Japanese lifestyle, traditions, cultural festivals like Obon, Kagura, Onsen etc. I even learned the Japanese language and became able to handle a conversation in Japanese.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Mar 26, 2014   #7
18 months Home stay program

months can be a plural noun here.
Write 'my 18-month homestay program'

cooking,having dinner together, and playing with children.

Faulty Parallelism> Write ' cooking'..., ' having'..., and 'playing'...,

I evenhave learned the Japanese language and became able to handled a conversation inwith Japanese.

Pay particular attention to tense use

to makeforge new friendships

Write 'forge', instead make. Make is too common to describe something.

Hope this helps :D


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