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Home is wherever I am with my family members; PLACE WHERE I AM PERFECTLY CONTENT



sien8888 1 / 2  
Feb 14, 2014   #1
Planing to apply to Purdue University.
Please advise and give me comments thanks !

Home is wherever I am with my family members. As a matter of fact, unconditional love from family members is the greatest gift that I can ever receive in my life. It is been always true to the ubiquitous me that family has always been there to fulfil my needs; making me feel content and complete even through time of trial and tribal.

I remember that I spent my childhood time at hometown. My house was somewhere on a small hill in the forest. My family and I used to have some activities at front yard to kill some time during weekends. My father would lie on the grass under a big maple tree to get a nap while my mother would be enjoying the sun, reading a novel by Dan Brown. My brother and I would be in all probability, running around, playing hide-and-seek with barely any shoes on. All the memories, has been the best bits of my life thus far; ones that I would absolutely love to relive again, if I had the chance.

When I was young, my father had been very strict to me. He would not want to hug me even if I cried my heart out. This made me feel so depressed, thinking maybe he disliked me since I was born. We hardly talked to each other but sometimes he would open my door, scolding me for staying up late to study while at the same time he put down a bottle of water on my table. Now that I am a teenager, I am able to understand that it is his special way to show his love. I know he was trying to make me strong; not depending to anyone perhaps it is a way to protect me from getting injures in the future.

I recalled an incident which my mother received a dreary phone call from my teacher complaining that I had purposely pushed a student down the stairs. No one could have believed me at that moment but not my mother. I remember that my mother didn't claim for any explanation yet she held my hand tightly and I could feel the warmth from my heart flowing through my entire self. From then on, whenever I was about to give up life, an invisible force pushed me to carry on and I believe this incident is a life-lesson that I have to bear in mind.

Needless to say, my brother is the best partner of my life to share the joys and sorrow with. We are destined to walk our life journey by supporting and encouraging each other. But what I did for all this time was watching the world revolve around my brother. Nothing is impossible for him because of his determination, courage and intelligence. Despite, no words could describe how much I appreciate my brother. He always advises me before I make my decision instead of telling me what to do. By having healthy competitions with my brother, I gain strength to make myself a better me.

It is undoubtedly true that I had become stronger by the day, as I grew up. My father had made me more independent so I could ignore those hurtful words and been through the hard times. The wholehearted love from my mother gave me courage to hear no evil and put my best foot forward. I would also not be afraid to take responsibility towards the outcome of my decision. I consider myself very fortunate indeed to have an elder brother who will never give me a cold shoulder.

Living in a material world which is full of temptations and betrayal has actually made me more cautious with people around me. However, my family has always been by me through thick and thin in life, accept me for who I am and never let me down no matter what happens. Even if I have to move out from my comfort zone to a new environment for the purpose of education, I believe that they will always be there to cheer for me in achieving my dreams and lend me a hand when the journey gets tough. To be frank, I am looking forward to the day when my achievement will make them feel proud of me, in return for their undying and enduring love.

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(666 words)

niesaysi 16 / 281  
Feb 15, 2014   #2
It is been always true to the ubiquitous me -- wrong grammar and the word "ubiquitous" is not correctly used.

It is been always true to the ubiquitous me

-- Revise this sentence.

My family and I used to have some activities at front yard to killfulfill some time during weekends.

playing hide-and-seek with barely any shoes on.barefooted.

All the memories, has been the best bits-- All the memories have been the best bits...Remove the comma and change "has" to "have" since the subject is plural.

Now that I am a teenager, I am able to understand that it is his special way to show his love. I know he was trying to make me strong; not depending to anyone perhaps it is a way to protect me from getting injures in the future.
I recalled an incident which my mother received a dreary phone call from my teacher complaining that I had purposely pushed a student down the stairs. No one could have believed me at that moment but not my mother. I remember that my mother didn't claim for any explanation yet she held my hand tightly and I could feel the warmth from my heart flowing through my entire self. From then on, whenever I was about to give up life, an invisible force pushed me to carry on and I believe this incident is a life-lesson that I have to bear in mind.

If the preceding para talks about your past, to achieve a good transition, better make this as another para since you're pointing out changes in the story.
peacefulwarrior 2 / 8  
Feb 15, 2014   #3
not " it is been always true...." but it should be " it has been always true..."
dumi 1 / 6793  
Feb 15, 2014   #4
My family and I used to have some activities at front yard to kill some time during weekends.

.... your tone should be more lively. You are talking about a place where you found total peace and happiness. "killing time" sounds like you did those things as you didn't have any other thing to do :(

my father had been very strict towith me.

All the memories, hashave been the best bits of my life thus far

Since your idea is to tell them that being with your family is what makes you perfectly content, try to focus more on family relationships and bondage.
OP sien8888 1 / 2  
Feb 15, 2014   #5
Hi thanks everyone for their opinion and comment ! This is the edited version. My worries are is the essay out of topic? Would it be suitable ?

Home is the place I always longed to be, it does not specifically depends on a certain place but where my family members are. As a matter of fact, unconditional love from family members is the greatest gift that I can ever receive in my life. It has always been true to me that my family has always been there to fulfil my every need; making me feel content and complete even through time of trial and tribal.

I spent my childhood growing up at a rural part of Johor, Malaysia. It was a cozy home located just at the side of the village on a small hill. Surround my home was a field of greens, whereby most of our memories were made. On weekends, we would spend our time together gardening as it was my fathers hobby and on occasion we would have barbecue. Although in others point view it may be just an event or ways to spend our free time, but it meant the world to me.

My parents especially my father, had to go to town to work and it usually was 7 to 7. The only time of the day I would see them were dinner time or weekends. Those time together were really precious to me as it was the only bonding session my family have, it may not be much but it was definitely the happiest moment I ever had.

I grew up to be a discipline and well manner person, as thought by my father. From young, my father had been very strict with me. My education would be his priority and he always forces me to study. He does not seems satisfied with any of my accomplishment that even made me think that I was the least favourable. As time passes by, the more mature I become, I realise little by little that everything he had done was all for me. It was his little actions that I didn't get his message when I was young as in making me a cup of tea when I was burning the midnight oil that touched deep down within my heart.

Things weren't any different with my mother. They both would expect the best from me which I would always failed to give or show them. I was very depressed and sad for all my hard work that I have spend, hours and hours often end up with disappointment. I used to envy those that receive prizes from their parents as an award as this does not seems to be the case with me. As I grew older, I begin to see things in a different perspective. Looking back to the pass and the present, it is an honour for my parents to have high expectation for me as they believe in me.

Needless to say, my brother is the best partner of my life to share the joys and sorrow with. We are destined to walk our life journey by supporting and encouraging each other. But what I did for all this time was watching the world revolve around my brother. Nothing is impossible for him because of his determination, courage and intelligence. Despite, no words could describe how much I appreciate my brother.

It is undoubtedly true that I had become stronger by the day, as I grew up. My family has always been and will always by me through thick and thin in life, accept me for who I am and never let me down no matter what happens. Even if I have to move out from my comfort zone to a new environment for the purpose of education, I believe that they will always be there to cheer for me in achieving my dreams and lend me a hand when the journey gets tough. I am looking forward to the day when my achievement will make them feel proud of me, in return for their undying and enduring love.
OP sien8888 1 / 2  
Feb 15, 2014   #6
Option #4: Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?

This is the topic pls advise, thanks in advance!


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