Hey I rly need to know if this essays good enough by tomorrow!!..my deadlines in a week!!..plZ comment!!
TOPIC: Discuss some issue of local, national or international concern and its impact on you
Tears ran down my cheeks as I watched my grandmother lay motionlessly on the hospital bed. She was gone forever in a world beyond my reach. I held on tightly to her hand hoping that my warm and comfort would bring her back to me.
Six months ago my grandmother had been diagnosed in the last stage of breast cancer.
...
While I can tell that English is not your first language, it does not detract from the way you get your point across. Nice essay.
...as I watched my grandmother lay motionlessly ...
...hoping that my warmth and comfort would bring her back to me.
This shows that even money in Pakistan cannot re assure proper treatment.
In the past The government has announced plans to upgrade all distinct headquarter hospitals. However, as with other numerous decisions and announcements, the plans to upgrade of certain hospitals still await implementation.
but also help Pakistanis by providing them with better treatment and awareness.
Tears ran down my cheeks as I watched my grandmother lie motionless on the hospital bed. She was gone forever to a world beyond my reach. I held on tightly to her hand hoping that my warm and comfort would [somehow] bring her back to me.
Six months ago my grandmother had been diagnosed in the last stage of breast cancer. On [talking] to her doctor, I discovered that mammogram machines to detect breast cancer were present in only a few government-run hospitals, and unfortunately there were none in the area we lived. It was because of the inadequate supply of medical facilities that my grandmother left me forever.
Government hospitals in Pakistan vary in [the] level and range of services, resources and cleanliness that Americans [will] find below standard. I spent two months volunteering at Shalimar Hospital in Pakistan and six months at Flushing medical Hospital in America. The environmental conditions and equipments are [so] distinct. Shalimar Hospital had meager facilities, few trained medics, lack of rooms to accommodate sufficient beds, lack of emergency and neonatal care, and even insufficient electricity and drinking water. Such [are the] conditions in rural areas where [a] hospital [might be] located over [twenty] miles from an individual's house. Private hospitals, [on the other hand], provide adequate facilities and suitable conditions. However, not many inhabitants in Pakistan can afford to be treated in such hospitals.
Those who cannot afford to visit hospitals or are in a [remote] place, turn to [local] neighboring clinics and homeopathies for treatment. Doctors who run such facilities have no experience in the medical field and use this profession [only] to [make] money from poor people. Clinics often treat patients by giving them glucose injections and prescribing handmade pills, even when not necessary. Homeopathies provide treatment using natural means such as spices, oils and herbs.
In the past, the government has announced [plans] to upgrade all distinct headquarter hospitals. However, like other numerous decisions and announcements, the upgrading of [many] hospitals still awaits implementation. Pakistan does not provide promising health care facilities to its inhabitants, especially those who are less fortunate. Many Pakistani governmental officials travel abroad for treatment, showing that even money cannot assure proper treatment in Pakistan.
Thousands of individuals in Pakistan die because of lack of awareness, governmental funds for specialized facilities, basic equipment for general people and lack of experienced doctors. [As] a doctor, I would like to not only help Americans but also help Pakistanis, [using] my knowledge to provide health care facilities with better treatment and awareness. Mohandas K. Gandhi once [said] that everyone should "be the change [he or she] wants to see in this world." I dream of improving the lives of Pakistanis with the education that I [will] have, and [my] passion for medicine.
hoping that my warm and comfort
it should be "warmth and comfort"
not only help Americans but also help Pakistanis,
i wouldn't mention this. say you want to help sick and needy people all over the world.
otherwise it's a very good essay as you have effectively linked this concern to your career aspirations.
Well, I can't write it for you... I think what you should do is google: descriptive writing
Get all fired up about writing a paragraph that beautifully describes your grandmother, and show us!
I really love your ending...
