"I am human" - Common App supplement

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

It used to bother me that no one could tell that I was Chinese. "Are you Japanese? Korean?" they would ask, but they never seemed to get around to what I imagined was the most obvious choice. It's ethnic pride, I told myself as I berated my friends for not knowing my cultural background.

It later occurred to me that my fierce Chinese pride was rather overbearing. I resolved to widen my mental boundaries. "Asian pride!" was my new motto. The way I saw it, most people couldn't even tell the difference between the Asian races anyway. So at school, I associated myself with peers of Korean and Japanese and, of course, Chinese descent. As I perused the news, I found myself drawn to anything that sounded particularly oriental.

One day as I was explaining to a friend the wonders of being Asian, he asked me, "Ok. So what part of being born in Asia makes you so amazing?" I opened my mouth to answer - and then closed it because I had no answer. And I began to think. What exactly defines race and nationality anyway? Some imaginary lines drawn on a map? Hardly something to brag about. After all, people are essentially the same no matter where they live, aren't they? And so I began to expand my boundaries once more, until, finally, I came to a conclusion that I could be proud of.

So, yes, I am Chinese, and yes, I am Asian. But I am also human. And look - there's a planet full of people just like me.

I'm actually pretty proud of this. Blasted it out in 15 minutes, and it's not even that bad. Please crit and advise :D

Yaaa I like this alot. It's good to shed light on your ethnicity, as it will aid you in the admission process. You mention that you "realized that your chinese pride was overbearing", and you go on to explain how you now see yourself equal to everyone else (in a nutshell)... my sugesstion is that you do not bring your ethnicity up again to the adcoms, via an essay, or personal statement, or anything. It will provide a sense of humility of who you are, and this essay will be more unique if it's the only one in your file that explains your background like this. (also it would be contradicting to mention it again if you now see yourself as equal)...

glad I could help.

"But I am also human. And look - there's a planet full of people just like me."
LOVE. But should it be "But I also am human?"... I'm not sure.
And "And look - there's a planet full of people just like me."... does it make it seem, from a college point of view, that you're flattening your culture? I don't know, think about it... I get the sentiment behind it, but express it in a different way maybe?

It's a REFRESHINGLY different essay, with a different take, and I'm feeling it.:)

This is very nice, you demastrated yourself very well in 250 words. You stayed within the prompt and answered the question.

The last sentance was my favorite part.

Good job!

" After all, people are essentially the same no matter where they live, aren't they?"
I would have some reservation about having this in the essay... it seems a little pessimistic (or can seem) to the reader... try rewording that.

"What exactly defines race and nationality anyway? Some imaginary lines drawn on a map? Hardly something to brag about. After all, people are essentially the same no matter where they live, aren't they? And so I began to expand my boundaries once more, until, finally, I came to a conclusion that I could be proud of."

Not to be picky :), but don't have the AO reader's think about this. They have a lot of papers to read, and you can't afford to force them to think to understand your essay. Instead, be more straightforward with what you think defines race and nationality (which are technically defined by those imaginary lines).

This is a good attempt to get at a more novel idea at defining community, but I think it can be better. And as a side note, I think you seem to avoid the second part of the question. What place do you hold in your community? How do you contribute to that community?