Hello! Can you help me to make my essay better. I think that something is wrong, but I don't know what=( .
"I made my decision! I know my goal! I will achieve everything I want!"These three sentences can be seen to one group of people meaningless, basic and grammatically weak. But for others, for example to me, they are words which can lead one's life with big confidence to promising future.
For the last twelve years I have been inspired by the idea of being famous scientist. My scientific career has begun at the seventh grade when I came to my first chemistry lesson. I was excited by interesting phenomena of this science. For instance, the soap which is used in daily life to clean our hands from fats is made up of glycogen fats or the air we are breathing, which is considered as oxygen, contains only 20% of oxygen. These unique facts started me to get strongly interested in chemistry. I spent 15 hours a day in the laboratory studying structures of matters, doing experiments, and solving challenging problems. Furthermore, I have attended and succeed in a lot of chemical Olympiads which were hold among Kazakhstan students who were engaged in chemistry as I am. However, the factor which affected exactly to choose my objective career was in the biology science club, when I have been absorbed in chemical processes in different biomolecules. My teacher who has seen my curiosity in this aspect of science advised me to choose biochemistry as a major in your institution. I am certain that I will study biochemistry with the great desire; not only it is a chemistry of living organisms, but it has not been fully developed in our country as well. I know that I will contribute my deep knowledge taken with big diligence to my native country with the maximum amount of work. I cannot imagine more exciting or fulfilling goal.
In conclusion, I want to say that I made decision! I know my goal! And I feel undergraduate study in the University of Illinois will be the most logical extension of my academic pursuits and a major step towards achieving my professional goals.
"I made my decision! I know my goal! I will achieve everything I want!"These three sentences can be seen to one group of people meaningless, basic and grammatically weak. But for others, for example to me, they are words which can lead one's life with big confidence to promising future.
For the last twelve years I have been inspired by the idea of being famous scientist. My scientific career has begun at the seventh grade when I came to my first chemistry lesson. I was excited by interesting phenomena of this science. For instance, the soap which is used in daily life to clean our hands from fats is made up of glycogen fats or the air we are breathing, which is considered as oxygen, contains only 20% of oxygen. These unique facts started me to get strongly interested in chemistry. I spent 15 hours a day in the laboratory studying structures of matters, doing experiments, and solving challenging problems. Furthermore, I have attended and succeed in a lot of chemical Olympiads which were hold among Kazakhstan students who were engaged in chemistry as I am. However, the factor which affected exactly to choose my objective career was in the biology science club, when I have been absorbed in chemical processes in different biomolecules. My teacher who has seen my curiosity in this aspect of science advised me to choose biochemistry as a major in your institution. I am certain that I will study biochemistry with the great desire; not only it is a chemistry of living organisms, but it has not been fully developed in our country as well. I know that I will contribute my deep knowledge taken with big diligence to my native country with the maximum amount of work. I cannot imagine more exciting or fulfilling goal.
In conclusion, I want to say that I made decision! I know my goal! And I feel undergraduate study in the University of Illinois will be the most logical extension of my academic pursuits and a major step towards achieving my professional goals.