"being immigrants to America from Vietnam" - my UC Personal Statement; the world you come from essay

Topic - Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I consider myself fortunate to have grown up in the environment I had. My parents being immigrants to America from Vietnam heavily influenced my decisions in life. Being born in Orange County, California and remaining there for my whole entire life allowed a vast analysis of the diverse community. Attending public schools allowed the interaction with different types of students. The creation of my goals and desires were dependent on the environment I had.

When my parents came over to America, they had to work their way up from their inferior jobs. My parents didn't have the opportunity to begin life as I did. Therefore, it was reasonable that they wanted me to outshine them. Relatives and friends of my parents, who were also immigrants and endured the same situation, shared the same belief. In the environment around my family, there were frequent conversations of how my generation's goal should be focused on achieving the most income. Bombarded by these discussions in my youth, my goal was set on achieving wealth. During my rebellious years of a teen, I discovered flaws in many of my beliefs originating from parental influence. Wealth is important but shouldn't be the only reason for a dream. All those suggestions of being a doctor, lawyer, and typical prestigious careers were void. Having decided to look for a goal based only on my judgment, I discovered multiple new careers that I wanted to pursue. Even though imperfections existed in my parent's advice, I'm content that those imperfections existed. Learning from those faults conveyed the establishing of my new goals.

My sister, who's six years older, performed better than me academically. Eventually, she became somewhat of a rival that I wanted to surpass. Even compared to other kids of my parent's friends, I never outperformed. Unable to tolerate being the underachieving one, I strived. Around ninth grade, I noticed that in every academic report, I never transcended my sister's. This epiphany forged the acknowledgement of my specialty, citizenship. Although I didn't outmatch my sister's academics, I did surpass her in citizenship. I viewed citizenship inferior to academics due to my family and their friends only concerning academics. Therefore, I persisted on sharpening my academics while specializing in citizenship. Being surrounded by an academically superior sister and a citizenship scorning family was emotionally crippling. However, striving to exceed provoked intellectual aspirations which wouldn't have occurred without the circumstances created by my family.

Orange County is far from a slum or ghetto. The copious amount of productive citizens influenced me to become contributing member of society while the lack of delinquents ensures that I persevere. Fountain Valley High school is competitive with the amount of profound students attending. Eventually, I abhorred my competitive peers for being obstacles hindering my goals. Through this animosity, my aspirations elevated in order to be the more successful of my competition. Occasionally, failure undermines my competitive spirit. However, observing the less successful gives me a sense of accomplishment, superiority, and pride that encourages me to progress. Every student contributed in the development of my aspirations.

Thanks for the revision. Be as harsh as needed. =)

...grown up in the environment I enjoyed in my youth. ("had" is weak there...)

The fact that my parents were immigrants to America from Vietnam heavily influenced my decisions in life.

I like your observation about how yout parents want you to outshine them. It is impressive!

The copious amount of productive citizens inspire me to become contributing member of society while the scarcity of delinquents facilitates my process. that I persevere.

is there a word limit? If not, I think it would make your essay stronger if you say a little more about how you find out that some of your parents beliefs are wrong or you can expand a little more about your rivalry relationship with your sister.

Other than that, I think it has a huge potential. You did touch on most of the issues Asian parents want their kids to do/be. Oh, but I am asian.

Two essays on the same topic. Need comparing on which is better.

Topic - Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

My new essay has too many words. Please find unnecessary parts that can be deleted or parts that where words can be reduced.
Felt no confidence so I wrote a new one.

Although my aspirations were established on several factors, the people I met significantly influenced my decisions. After residing in California since birth and being acclimated to the environment, I yearn for pathways to my dreams that permit me to remain in California. Medical practitioners, specifically pharmacists, intrigued me since youth. The satisfaction of healing others while eluding unsanitary tasks appealed to me.

As a child, I had an intense desire to witness others being physically injured. Elementary school with students at their hyperactive ages fulfilled my atrocious cravings. Students would participate in their activities and eventually wound themselves. Although villainous, students would aggregate and enjoy watching others weep and writhe in pain. I was always present whenever another student was wounded and whimpering. Eventually, my attendance at these playground disasters became habitual. Ultimately, gruesome accidents such as sprains, gore, and vomiting occurred. Repulsive years of elementary school produced the world of putridity and trauma I experienced. Another childhood habit of mine was reading the information off products after every excursion to the supermarket. This habit originated by observing this destitute man who pleaded at a neighboring business district. The derelict would read everything on the packaging of the food he consumed. At the age of six where schoolwork was completed when I returned home, boredom was inevitable. Deciding to mimic the bum's actions out of banality, it became a tendency. Subsequently, I was familiarized with nutrition and drug facts during youth.

Healing people appealed to me and became my ambition since childhood. I remember a fellow student back in first grade who stumbled and injured his foot. Due to my inclination to be present at injuries, I witnessed and was traumatized by his foot being convoluted in a way that it was almost perpendicular to his leg. Approximately after a month, he returned completely capable of walking without difficulty and had an appropriately positioned foot. From an injury that seemed permanent to completely mended, I was astounded by this magical event. His recovery established my dream of becoming a doctor. Dreams not always occurring as desired, my goal is merely to heal people directly or indirectly.

My dreams were annihilated after learning the requirements, rigorous work, and sacrifice needed to become a doctor. Eventually, the world I came from motivated me to continue pursuing my dream. In third grade, my friend was snacking on a package of dried squid from Korea. As he consumed his snack, he had his first encounter with a packet of silica gel. Unfamiliar of what the packet is and the Korean text, he assumed that it was salt to eat his squids with. Fortunately, I was familiar with packets of silica gel and its hazards due to my knowledge of drug facts I obtained. I prevented the consumption of the poison and saved a life. After suffering from a severe headache, my mother who doesn't understand the drug facts in English assumed it was safe to take eight pills of medicine. Another life was saved when by knowing eight wasn't an appropriate dosage from my drug knowledge. As tests of masculinity, I've seen videos and pictures of gore such as amputations, severe injuries, diseases, animal cruelty, and more. Some people cried, vomited, or refrained from participating. There was miniscule effect on me due to being accustomed to this since elementary school. I felt motivated knowing that I was able to endure extreme gore when people abandon the career of a doctor due to the bloodshed. The world I grew up in prepared me for my dreams and goals.

Your example of preventing ur friend from eating the gel is a good idea. it shows that you care about the people around u. however, i guess this essay could be improved if u could talk about how ur friends recovery of his leg inspirired u to be a doctor. i think u can talk about how u r going to apply what u have learned in college to the society