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"The Importance of One Womans Advice" - UC admissions prompt



hcampbell93 1 / 1  
Oct 9, 2010   #1
Please provide a Personal Statement regarding how your academic achievements, personal interests and life experiences have helped prepare you to succeed academically and to be an active member of the UC community. Be sure your response addresses each of the three components. (Please limit your response to approximately 250 words).

Of all the mentors I've had in my life, the advice of my second grade school teacher still affects me the most. Mrs. Mraywood Moore would say, "Now Miss Hannah, you did good. But I know that you can do better. I won't accept it. Do it again, the best you can do it." Since then, I have carried this advice through all my endeavors, academically, creatively, and socially. I strive to be all that I can not only for myself, but for others. My motivation comes from my strong Christian background, role models such as Mrs. Moore I do not want to let down, and my brother, sister, and youth group siblings who watch what I do as an example for their lives. I try to be humble in my achievements and gracious in gratitude. I try to stress the importance of academic success, of individuality through multiple art forms, and of giving back to the community through service. It is also important to share quality time with those who are most important to you, because it is my hope that they know, that no matter what, my hand will be waiting, just in case they need to grab on for support. Over time, the many wonderful people in my life have equipped me with all the tools I need to be successful in my future, the only thing left is a place to carry out that future. And my hope is that my future is at the University of Cincinnati.

linmark 2 / 325  
Oct 12, 2010   #2
I reread your essay twice but did not discover how your academic achievements, personal interests and life experiences have helped prepare you to succeed academically and to be an active member of the UC community. The essay did not ask for what (or whom) inspires you the most.

The prompt states specifically "Be sure your response addresses each of the three components." which upon reviewing your essay, I did not learn anything about your personal interests (besides multiple art forms, community service and strong Christian background) nor life experiences. And you will need to tie this in to how this will enable you to succeed and be active in the UC community. Are there specific extracurricular clubs or academic communities you want to join?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Oct 12, 2010   #3
Hi Hannah, I like your example, but I know that you can do better. I won't accept it. Do it again, the best you can do it!

Be sure your response addresses each of the three components. (Please limit your response to approximately 250 words).

I reread your essay twice but did not discover how your academic achievements, personal interests and life experiences have helped prepare

Yep, the thing to do is give an intro that expresses a theme in a 75 word paragraph... then write a 100 word paragraph that uses those key words from the prompt to show that you are answering all three parts.. and then finish up with a memorable 75 word conclusion.

That'll be 3 little paragraphs.

Keep that great example as part of it, but cover these bases!!
:-)


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