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'Improving students communication skills' - Common App essay

nhn 1 / -  
Nov 28, 2012   #1
Can some please help me correct this essay, thank you very much!!!

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 characters maximum).

From 2009 to 2011, I started joining the choir and I have performed in various contests organized by local universities. However, what means more to me is being able to make myself more useful. Since the age of thirteen, I have worked as an assistant for my parents in their food company when it was newly founded. I am experience in basic bookkeeping such as controlling sales, purchases and receipts. In 2009, I had my first summer job as an English teacher at a local international school. My job was to help the students improve their communication skills and make them feel comfortable with the language. At the beginning of the year, I volunteered in a non-profit organization called Feeding My Starving Children in which we have to prepared special meals for kids who are in poor countries. I am currently tutoring in mathematics for students in my school. The activities I have experienced have helped become a more mature and responsible person.
justlerik 3 / 5  
Nov 28, 2012   #2
Hello, nhn
Basically I liked your essay however I don't think you answered the question correctly. The promt is to write about ONE of your experiences and you list several of them.

I think you should write about your volunteering experience and how it has changed you, then the essay will be perfect.
Good luck!

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