Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Indian culture is rigid and unrelenting, but I was never hit by the full blow of it. My parents bring traditional Indian values and traditions to my everyday life, but our travels across America have made their advice unique and invaluable. I was born on a rainy night in Jamshedpur, India, in fact my name itself means monsoon in Sanskrit. My parents did not choose my name just because of the stormy scenery outside; they hoped that I would someday take this world by storm. "Home" has been many different places these past 17 years, but the one consistency is my mother and father who have constantly pushed me to set higher and higher standards for myself.
India is beautiful and rich in culture, but my Indian citizenship is only a part of me. My world is unpacking my clothes into a new closet for the third time that year. My father is assembling the bunk bed we just bought in our only bedroom, while my mother is dispersing her many pots and spices throughout our new kitchen. On our own for the first time, with only a bus pass, we roamed the streets of Worchester and realized why everyone in India raved about America. After five different states and two siblings later, my parents and I have finally gotten used to "American" life. Throughout the years, however, my parents have prevented my complete Americanization by successfully tying in their childhood lessons into mine.
My parents have a very clear policy on life: "Don't chase success, just strive for excellence and success will chase you". After a decade of my parents so called "nagging", I stopped relying on my parents to push me and decided to start pushing myself. Striving for excellence is no simple task, but trying to do so resulted in some of the biggest risks I have ever taken. I joined Academic Decathlon, Speech and Debate, Robotics, and Junior State of America because I had become attracted to new experiments. However my challenge-seeking and enthusiastic personality was not always evident in my early years.
I used to shy away from change because of my ever-changing environment, but my parents kept pushing me to try new things. Today I am outgoing, talkative, sociable, and opinionated; none of these adjectives could have been used to describe me had it not been for my parents' invaluable guidance. I stopped chasing everything in life and just pursued whatever pulled me. Instead of being the "new girl with the really long name", I am now known as "Varsha, who never leaves a room without giving her opinion". I never hesitate in front of a new opportunity, because I finally know how to take this world by storm.
(455 words)
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
I picked up an application and it took all the willpower I had to not put it down. In May of 2008, I tried out for the Arcadia High School Academic Decathlon team, and I was deathly afraid of confrontation, rejection, and change. After a test and an interview I became an Arcadia High School Decathlete. I only had nine months with this amazing team before I moved to my new home.
At West Ranch High School, I did not hesitate (like I usually did), and pitched my love for the sport to the advisor the same week I started school. I remember being in awe of the older team members; they were comfortable with interviews, speeches, and impromptus. I may not have been a "flood of words" at that time but I decided to join because I loved the subject matter. Sophomore year I got truly attached to the study of history by spending hours reading up on the French Revolution. I grew up with a love of history, but Academic Decathlon truly nurtured my spirit for the subject. Every year I could delve in deeply into another time period or region's history and culture; it has to be the most rewarding aspect of my past four years at high school.
One of the most important parts of Academic Decathlon is that it is a team effort; after vying for a spot on the team for a month everyone has to bond together and never let go. I am proud to be part of a team that not only supported each other within team issues, but also any problems in our outside lives. As competition dates came closer and closer the nine of us could be seen clustered in hallways reviewing Franklin Roosevelt's New Deal and the musical components of "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime". I grew close to my teammates because they welcomed my eventual outgoing personality.
I have worked hard these past 13 years to gain confidence in my voice, and joining such an engaging sport pushed my confidence to a new level. After 9 schools I had become conditioned to hate change, but being a part of such a close knit group changed my whole outlook. By my junior year I was finally out of my cocoon because I finally had a group of people I could be myself with. Academic Decathlon is not for the faint of heart; decathletes are more than just "book smart" they are passionate and spontaneous. These were characteristics of mine that were not evident until I actually became a proud Wildcat Decathlete.
Academic Decathlon has offered me a way to shine socially, politically, and academically. I may have always held a passion for history and other cultures, but without Academic Decathlon I could never have pursued these topics. As co-captain this year I strive to give that same experience to our new team members, because the relationships, knowledge, and skills I have gained from Academic Decathlon are invaluable.
(499 words)
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I liked the way it's written. You deliver your point very well.
There are some issues with grammar I'd like to tackle like:
"Home" has been many different places these past 17 years, but the one consistency is my mother and father who have constantly pushed me to set higher and higher standards for myself.
- Based on the MLA format (sorry if I'm splitting hairs here), numbers that can be spelled using only one or two words should be spelled-out, so I think you should use "seventeen." This goes for some of the other numbers in your essay as well.
- I think it would be better to replace "consistency" with "consistent thing" because consistency, in my opinion, seems awkward when you use it like that.
After a decade of my parents so called "nagging",
- When you use a quotation mark, the punctuation at the end should be inside (ex. After a decade of my parents so called "nagging,")
- This is assuming you're using the American standard not the British
- That also goes for:
- "Don't chase success, just strive for excellence and success will chase you".
- "new girl with the really long name",
- "Varsha, who never leaves a room without giving her opinion".
- and others I may have missed.
I used to shy away from change because of my ever-changing environment
- It sounds a little redundant when you use "change" twice in a sentence. Try using "ever-shifting" or (I'm not sure about this one, so maybe you should get a second opinion) "constantly evolving"
I never hesitate in front of a new opportunity, because I finally know how to take this world by storm.
- I don't really think the comma is necessary here.
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
At West Ranch High School, I did not hesitate (like I usually did[/b])[b], and pitched my love for the sport to the advisor the same week I started school.
- I think the "did" should be in present progressive form (please correct me if I'm wrong)
- I would also like to say that I don't think "hesitate" and "pitched" are parallel because not only are they not consistent in tense, but when you expand the sentence, it would end up as "I did not hesitate, and I did not pitched my love for the sport."
There is also no need for an Oxford comma because there are only two verbs (Oxford commas are used when there are three or more)
not only supported each other within team issues,
- I don't think the "-in" is appropriate. In my opinion, it would be best to stick with just "with."
There may have been errors in my checking, (things that I've missed or inappropriately corrected) so please cross-reference this with someone else and get a second opinion. Overall though, I think this was a good essay, and what I like about it is that it really is very direct and to the point. Good luck. Sorry if I'm being a nitpicker. :D
