Growing up, I always had my parents' support, and comfort whenever I please. That is what parents are for, to love you no matter what. However, I always felt the need to be tough, and not show my feelings, or show when I hurt on the inside. Then my boyfriend came along.
I participated in sports at a young age, and continue the activities today. Throughout the carious teams, coaches, and sports, I learned to "suck it up", or keep all pain, feelings, and emotions inside myself. When my boyfriend, Nic, and I first started dating, I usually pretended nothing was wrong because we were a new couple. Months went by, and a couple arguments arose. Looking back, they were insignificant, but at the time I did not know how to deal with them. Nic always spoke his feelings with ease, and I refused to speak mine to avoid conflict. I dreaded conflict. My approach only made things worse. Nic got upset more than once due to me not wanting to talk about problems, or open up, and share my feelings.
Opening up turned out to be the hardest part. I soon realized staying tough on the outside was my shield from getting hurt. In the end, we only have ourselves to live for, and I created a mechanism to accomplish just that. My silence protected me in a comforting way, and I did not know how to change, or even where to begin.
I can remember many splitting headaches caused from trying to hold back tears in front of Nic. Tears equaled the ultimate sign of weakness through my eyes. I worked on talking more about my feelings, but I still did not want to give up my last bit of control by crying. Letting go completely is scary. I defiantly trusted Nic, but something inside of me did not want to give up the one thing I mastered, and that kept protecting me heartache after heartache.
One day, I lost it after many troubled things pilled up. Stress, school, college preparation, and working attribute to my break down. I cried after getting so upset, but did not want to talk. I kept thinking I can handle this all on my own. I have done it before, and I can certainly do it again. Nic, however, had other plans. He stayed by my side the whole time. He did not leave, or try and judge me, but simply sat there holding me till I calmed down. I realized this person was not here to tell me to "suck it up", but merely wanting to just comfort me the best he could. After this, I could finally let go. I now could talk about my feelings because I had emotional support, and comfort.
This ability to let go, and be emotional proved a useful quality. I now help friends who have problems, and realize all they need is comfort, not words, but a shoulder to cry on. Nic's quality of caring is an admirable trait that I constantly seek to mimic. He has given me a quality that will not only last forever, but help in situations that seem unrealistic, and unsolvable. My boyfriend has proven to be an influential person in my life.
I participated in sports at a young age, and continue the activities today. Throughout the carious teams, coaches, and sports, I learned to "suck it up", or keep all pain, feelings, and emotions inside myself. When my boyfriend, Nic, and I first started dating, I usually pretended nothing was wrong because we were a new couple. Months went by, and a couple arguments arose. Looking back, they were insignificant, but at the time I did not know how to deal with them. Nic always spoke his feelings with ease, and I refused to speak mine to avoid conflict. I dreaded conflict. My approach only made things worse. Nic got upset more than once due to me not wanting to talk about problems, or open up, and share my feelings.
Opening up turned out to be the hardest part. I soon realized staying tough on the outside was my shield from getting hurt. In the end, we only have ourselves to live for, and I created a mechanism to accomplish just that. My silence protected me in a comforting way, and I did not know how to change, or even where to begin.
I can remember many splitting headaches caused from trying to hold back tears in front of Nic. Tears equaled the ultimate sign of weakness through my eyes. I worked on talking more about my feelings, but I still did not want to give up my last bit of control by crying. Letting go completely is scary. I defiantly trusted Nic, but something inside of me did not want to give up the one thing I mastered, and that kept protecting me heartache after heartache.
One day, I lost it after many troubled things pilled up. Stress, school, college preparation, and working attribute to my break down. I cried after getting so upset, but did not want to talk. I kept thinking I can handle this all on my own. I have done it before, and I can certainly do it again. Nic, however, had other plans. He stayed by my side the whole time. He did not leave, or try and judge me, but simply sat there holding me till I calmed down. I realized this person was not here to tell me to "suck it up", but merely wanting to just comfort me the best he could. After this, I could finally let go. I now could talk about my feelings because I had emotional support, and comfort.
This ability to let go, and be emotional proved a useful quality. I now help friends who have problems, and realize all they need is comfort, not words, but a shoulder to cry on. Nic's quality of caring is an admirable trait that I constantly seek to mimic. He has given me a quality that will not only last forever, but help in situations that seem unrealistic, and unsolvable. My boyfriend has proven to be an influential person in my life.
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