Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
My father has always been the most influential person in my life hands done. He has taught me the true meaning of life: god, family, honesty, ambition and etc. He also motivated me to a career that I know I was destined for, but to blind to see and that my friends is to be a medical doctor.
My father Dr. Toby B. Okons was born on the west coast of Africa in a place called Nigeria. Being the youngest out of 6 he managed to hold down the household at a early age of 12. Because of his father my grandfather was diagnosed with Glaucoma. Having little treatment to help my grandfather out he quickly lost his vision therefore living my father with the burdens of taking care of his family.
please help if you can
My father has always been the most influential person in my life hands done . He has taught me the true meaning of life: god, family, honesty, ambition and etc.
^Etc...I think readers would be interested in knowing what is your definition of 'life'.
By the way, did he teach you values, or the meaning of life?
He also motivated me to a career that I know I was destined for, but to blind to see and that my friends is to be a medical doctor.
My father Dr. Toby B. Okons was born on the west coast of Africa in a place called Nigeria.
^I think most people know Nigeria. Perhaps if you said that he was born in the same city as Nwanko Kanu, that could prompt some confusion. But Nigeria, I think everyone knows. So you do not have to say 'a place called Nigeria'. It kind of shows that you think your readers are ignorant, or at least, unknowing, both of which can be interpreted as insulting.
Being the youngest out of 6 he managed to hold down the household at the early age of 12.
^Spell your numbers.
Because of his father my grandfather was diagnosed with Glaucoma.
^??I do not get it. Are you trying to say that your great grandfather had glaucoma and passed it on to your grandfather?
Having little treatment to help my grandfather out he quickly lost his vision therefore living my father with the burdens of taking care of his family.
^Ok. Grammar revision needed.
Well, if your father is the most influential person, discuss what makes him so important to you as a person. What has he done that has taught you something that you believe is useful? Expand on those, and tell us how it has 'influnced' you. You know what your father has done. WHatever you believe has been truly meaninful, and has helped shaped your personality, then write about it.
Ugh. Students should be banned from picking family members when writing this sort of essay. I'm sure admissions officers everywhere would be grateful. Still, if you're going with your father for this essay, then you need to describe him so that we can picture him, show through a narrative anecdote how he influenced you (instead of just telling us) then explain how that influence has made you an ideal candidate for wherever you are applying to. At the moment, your essay does none of these things.
1. Begin with what is now your second paragraph.
2. Write more about your father's characteristics as these are demonstrated in his behavior. Make sure that the reader gets a clear image of your father as a unique individual.
3. Say how you have been influenced by having such a man as your father.
