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Influential person - 'About my sister, Kennedy' - CU Essay Prompt 2

simibug13 3 / 6  
Nov 24, 2012   #1
Prompt: Who is an influential person in your life and how have they contributed to your development as a person?

If you have any advise or constructive criticism, please give it to! Be blunt.

On of the most influential people in my life is my sister, Kennedy, who has been through hell and back and never fails to keep a smile on her face. Kennedy and I met at the Gateway Daycare Center in Racine, WI when we were babies, and since then, I have considered her family. We have seen each other through times of joy and times of sorrow.

Kennedy has had the unfortunate experience of both of her parents dying from cancer. As I was walked into her mother's funeral last February, I expected Kennedy to be distraught, but she was quite the opposite. During the service, she read a poem with her sister and they began to laugh because they knew that is how their mom would have wanted it.

Kennedy was always changing schools when we were kids; when she began attending a boarding school at the beginning of freshman year, she promised herself that she would attend that school for all four years of high school. When her mother died, my parents offered Kennedy to come live with us, but she respectfully declined because she wanted to keep that promise she had made to herself.

Having Kennedy in my life has influenced how I approach new situations. I always try to keep a positive attitude and believe that any dream can become reality if you are willing to work hard enough see it through. Kennedy's fortitude is the driving force behind my unfailing optimism.
suzeroonie 3 / 17 1  
Nov 24, 2012   #2
Great essay! I would find a more creative way of starting it than just restating the prompt, because these essays allow you to be more creative with your writing. Also elaborate more on how Kennedy has influenced you rather than describing everything she's been through.

Also I would specify if Kennedy is your biological sister or not, because I was a little confused reading the essay, because you said you were sisters, but only her parents died of cancer. Good luck :)
Blastofftomars1 3 / 7 1  
Nov 29, 2012   #3
The essay is a good start, but you need to elaborate on this girl being your influence. Its very touching that you friend is like a sister to you, this story is different from most, which is good because it stands out.
OP simibug13 3 / 6  
Nov 29, 2012   #4
thanks guys. i decided to completely rewrite it. please give me some feedback!

Ever since we were kids, people would always mistake my best friend, Kennedy, and me for one another because we both had Shirley Temple curls. Then, they would ask if we were sisters and my answer was always "Yes." Truthfully, I always believed we were sisters because I could never imagine feeling that close to someone who wasn't family. Having Kennedy in my life has not only influenced how I perceive the world, but she has also impacted how I see myself.

Over the years, Kennedy has endured constantly changing schools and the deaths of both of her parents. Most people in her situation would become defeatist and loose faith in the world, but Kennedy has done the opposite. She always maintained a positive attitude and has never blamed others for the hand she has been dealt. Her fortitude in times of hardship inspires me everyday to see past the darkness. Seeing how full of life Kennedy is everyday has made me an optimist.

When I moved to South Carolina from Wisconsin at the beginning of my freshman year, I certainly thought I would be the odd girl out, being a liberal Puerto Rican Jew living under the Bible belt. Kennedy assured me that if I stayed true myself people would want to be my friend. She was right. Because of Kennedy, I learned to love myself. Kennedy has not only influenced me to always stay positive, but she has shown me the importance of having self-confidence.

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