"to be the most influential person in the world" + "NUY mini World" -NYU Suplement

Q: what led you to select both your anticipated academic area(s) of study and the NYU school / college / program or the Abu Dhabi campus. What interests you most about your intended discipline?

A: I have a dream to be the most influential person in the world. I want to compete internationally and achieve outstanding with modern thinking, but still keeping my Asian values. I believe, NYUAD would be the perfect place to me. I choose Sosial Research and Public Policy as my field of study because I am interested in global issues that occur in multi-cultural environment. I enjoyed when I work voluntarily at some social organizations and often participate in youth conference to discuss social issues.

Q: NYU is 'In and of the City' and 'In and of the World.' What does the concept of a global network university mean to you? How do you think studying in New York City, Abu Dhabi, or one of NYU's global sites would change you as a person and equip you to build cross-cultural relationships at NYU and beyond?

A: NYU is a miniature version of the world. I can see the mixture of several languages and mingling of cultures. In this environment, I'm able to mould myself into my own ideal of model for the future. Studying in Abu Dhabi would help me to become an open-minded person who eager to grow through learning with diverse classmates and can take advantage of opportunities to expand horizons. It would also teach me how to shape my world and equip me with cross-cultural understanding in becoming a global citizen.

Please help me about this. Thanks!

Okay, so the biggest drawbacks are probably

1. Grammar


This is such a strong, overwritten statement. Are you serious? Cause in terms of influence, you've got a competition of 6 bil. Why don't you just say you want to influence the world? It's just as profound and doesn't sound nearly as dumb.


What? I have no idea what you're trying to say here. It's very vague. I think you're missing a word or two. Try to be more specific, what do you want to compete in? What do you want to achieve? What do you mean by Asian Values? <-- I would even cut that out, honestly.


This is by far my favorite sentence, you should start with this and talk about how it affected/inspired you.

2. Overstatement
look up at "influential person in the world"^

Question 2 is better, but really vague still.



"shape my world"? What does that mean? It's vague, I'd recommend replacing that with something else.

Both are well written, Word Choice. But work on structure and vagueness. I see that you're trying to squeeze everything into the 500 character limit. It's cool, just choose one example, explain how it influenced you. Good work, though.

Well, thank you so much for your help. I've been editing my essay. But I have another problem here. There's a 500 char, but I past the limit. So, can you please help me to make my essay more effective? Thank you so much! And please answer my question asap.

Q: what led you to select both your anticipated academic area(s) of study and the NYU school / college / program or the Abu Dhabi campus. What interests you most about your intended discipline?

A: I have a dream to be the most influential person in the world. I want to compete internationally and accomplish outstanding honors in the modern world, without letting go of my Asian values. I believe NYUAD would be the perfect place to me as I have chosen Social Research and Public Policy as my field of study. This is because of my interest in global issues that occur in multi-cultural environments. With my experience as a volunteer in different organizations and participation in youth conferences to discuss social issues, I have come to believe that this is my chosen career.

Q: NYU is 'In and of the City' and 'In and of the World.' What does the concept of a global network university mean to you? How do you think studying in New York City, Abu Dhabi, or one of NYU's global sites would change you as a person and equip you to build cross-cultural relationships at NYU and beyond?

A: NYU is a miniature version of the world. I can see the mixture of several languages and mingling of cultures. This environment offers a golden opportunity where I can connect with different people from diverse cultures and enhance my future career chances. Studying in Abu Dhabi would help me to become more flexible and open-minded, I am eager to grow through learning in culturally diverse surroundings. This would provide me opportunities to expand my horizons. It would also teach me how to shape my world and equip me with cross-cultural understanding in becoming a truly global citizen.