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"my inherited traits and lived experiences" - WHY BROWN

prepies04 5 / 12  
Dec 26, 2010   #1
Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply?

The last two years of my academic career has been similar to that of a Brown student. At the Advanced Academy, I haven't had to worry about graduation requirements-I took courses that I genuinely wanted to learn from. I took an economics class as I was eager to find out why economic recessions occur. I took a senior-level sociology course to learn why impoverished nations often find it difficult to relieve themselves from poverty. I registered for psychology because I wanted to know how my inherited traits and lived experiences influence my behavior. I relished the academic freedom, but classes at the University of West Georgia often failed to satisfy my intellectual curiosity in diverse fields. I yearn for a second chance-only Brown's Open Curriculum can offer me such an opportunity.
numbaone0920 3 / 7  
Dec 26, 2010   #2
Overall, it's not bad. But it's just that--not bad. Brown wants you to stand out among the crowd. This is almost the safe essay. I can see that it doesn't lack passion. That last sentence shows a bit of desperation. I dare you to take it a notch up and manifest your passion for Brown. Perhaps you can talk about why ONLY Brown can offer you such an opportunity. You can say that about any college.

Was there a character limit on this essay?
yenna 9 / 23  
Dec 26, 2010   #3
I think you should concentrate more on WHY you want to attend Brown. :D
mikeehnow 3 / 30  
Dec 26, 2010   #4
You might want to make the sentences flow a little bit. The second and third sentence have nothing to do with each other. The last sentence seems a teeny bit corny-but if it's true, leave it.
OP prepies04 5 / 12  
Dec 27, 2010   #5
Thanks for the comments, guys. It is a 1000 character essay.

Eric, this is unique to Brown because they have an Open Curriculum. Wonhee, I got rid of the third sentence.

I would love more suggestions!! Thank you.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 6, 2011   #6
Grammar error: The last two years of my academic career has have been similar to that of a Brown student.

It's better not to end a sentence with a preposition:
...courses on topics I genuinely wanted to learn. I took an economics ...


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