Hi everyone. I need help with my supplement essay for UVA. I am not a good writer, I will appreiciate if anyone can give me some advice. Criticism and advices are very welcomed :)
Prompt: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?
I thought humans are born good and kind. Not until I finished Lord of the Flies by William Golding. The novel does not only surprise me by its innovation of the "Island Literature", but also the idea the novel implies-human is naturally evil.
I have read the novel twice. In the beginning, I thought it was just a normal "kid's adventure book". However, as I read along, I saw a "society" in the novel-the island. Unlike the real society,
there is no law that restrict people in this society. The only element that regulates people is the moral principle. Under this condition, people become violent, greedy and evil as they have never been. In my mind, people are bad only because the society makes them bad. As I finish this novel, I start to rethink what I believed-maybe it is one himself that makes him evil. Imagine myself live in a society without the restriction of laws, would I do something bad since there are no criminal charges? I ponder, or maybe Golding is right that human nature tends to be evil. As I think more deeply, something else comes across my mind. I see many charities that the society and many people held; I see the unconditional love that my family gives me; I see all the support from my friends and teachers. Suddenly, my minds become clear.
We cannot describe the society with evil or good because it is all the people that form the society, that makes the society a mixture of goodness and bad. What I can do is to build me myself as a kind person. I believe that I am not a bad person even it is true that human nature is evil. Hopefully, many others will think the same way as me. Thus, the society will ultimately take its right path, instead of collapsing.
PS: I don't know if I need a topic for the essay. Could anyone give a good topic of the essay if it is needed. THank you~
I'm going to give you some edits so that you can merely shorten it and add more info if you so desire. I'm applying to UVA too and I find these topics too deep to explain in 250 words.
"The novel does not only surprise me" -> "not only surprises me "
"human is naturally evil" -> "humans are " or "man is "
"just a normal "kid's adventure book" " -> "normal child's adventure book " (you don't need the quotations)
"there is no law that restrict people in this society" -> "are no laws " and "the people " (you should specify that you're talking about these people in particular, not just people in general)
"that regulates people " -> "the people "
"Under this condition, people become violent, greedy and evil as they have never been " -> "became " and cut the end of the sentence. Start a new sentence and say "They normally would not have been this way "
"As I finish this novel" -> "finished "
"Imagine myself live in a society without the restriction of laws, would I do something bad since there are no criminal charges?" -> "I imagined myself " and replace the comma with a period and start a new sentence.
"We cannot describe the society" -> Remove "the"
"society, that" -> Remove the comma
"even it is true" -> "even if it is "
