My sister's CommonApp Essay. Please make comments on how to improve it and make it more about her and make her a strong candidate.
The summer of my sophomore year I was given a window to the medical world. For eight weeks that summer, I got the opportunity to shadow some of the best doctors and nurses in the field of medicine at Brigham and Women's Hospital. As I listened to the muzak in the elevator that first day on the job, I did not know what to expect of this internship. I had had jobs at ice cream stores and libraries prior to this, but nothing quite like that of a hospital, where things were fast-paced, and serious decisions and actions were being made. I was placed in the nursing department of the hospital, specifically in the Medical Intensive Care Unit or MICU. Within a few hours on the job, a patient in the wing had gone into cardiac arrest. As the medical machines galvanized, I saw doctors and nurses dart to the patient. Ready with their crash cart, they knew exactly what they were doing without thinking twice. I was drawn to these confident men and women who were poised and ready. Working in the MICU, you need to be able to think and act quickly and confidently because anything can happen at any moment, and they knew exactly what to do. Although these doctors and nurses had such a big job on their hands taking care of very sick patients, they were vibrant and jovial people. They came into work every day with bright smiles on their faces, and looked forward to their job. Watching these doctors and nurses work gave me inspiration and the confidence that I could be just like them.
I reminded them of themselves when they were younger, people who were engaged and ready to learn and act. They called me "the baby," and told me that I had a lot to learn but that they saw themselves in me, and believed that I could be just like them one day. I began to see their strengths in me, and I wanted those strengths and talents to grow. Getting the chance to know them, to know that I shared qualities with them, allowed me to believe that I could perform great feats like them someday as well. I began to invest more of myself to perform extracurricularly and academically, and help others as well. Whether or not I may or may not want to be a doctor someday in the future, I know I want to be one of those confident people who know how to do their jobs and inspire others. I want a career that I love, a career that I know I'm confident in just like those doctors and nurses.
I am a person who is opinionated, who wants to be involved in the real world and make change. I hope to be like those people one day, knowing that I can do my job the best I can without hesitation. They are people who inspire me; they make me excited for my future and how I can make a difference. They are outgoing, talkative, funny, strong and confident men and women. It is the path I wish to take and it is the life I want.
The summer of my sophomore year I was given a window to the medical world. For eight weeks that summer, I got the opportunity to shadow some of the best doctors and nurses in the field of medicine at Brigham and Women's Hospital. As I listened to the muzak in the elevator that first day on the job, I did not know what to expect of this internship. I had had jobs at ice cream stores and libraries prior to this, but nothing quite like that of a hospital, where things were fast-paced, and serious decisions and actions were being made. I was placed in the nursing department of the hospital, specifically in the Medical Intensive Care Unit or MICU. Within a few hours on the job, a patient in the wing had gone into cardiac arrest. As the medical machines galvanized, I saw doctors and nurses dart to the patient. Ready with their crash cart, they knew exactly what they were doing without thinking twice. I was drawn to these confident men and women who were poised and ready. Working in the MICU, you need to be able to think and act quickly and confidently because anything can happen at any moment, and they knew exactly what to do. Although these doctors and nurses had such a big job on their hands taking care of very sick patients, they were vibrant and jovial people. They came into work every day with bright smiles on their faces, and looked forward to their job. Watching these doctors and nurses work gave me inspiration and the confidence that I could be just like them.
I reminded them of themselves when they were younger, people who were engaged and ready to learn and act. They called me "the baby," and told me that I had a lot to learn but that they saw themselves in me, and believed that I could be just like them one day. I began to see their strengths in me, and I wanted those strengths and talents to grow. Getting the chance to know them, to know that I shared qualities with them, allowed me to believe that I could perform great feats like them someday as well. I began to invest more of myself to perform extracurricularly and academically, and help others as well. Whether or not I may or may not want to be a doctor someday in the future, I know I want to be one of those confident people who know how to do their jobs and inspire others. I want a career that I love, a career that I know I'm confident in just like those doctors and nurses.
I am a person who is opinionated, who wants to be involved in the real world and make change. I hope to be like those people one day, knowing that I can do my job the best I can without hesitation. They are people who inspire me; they make me excited for my future and how I can make a difference. They are outgoing, talkative, funny, strong and confident men and women. It is the path I wish to take and it is the life I want.