Unanswered [3]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 3


My inspirational mom made me who i am today.



Deladedum 1 / -  
Dec 22, 2010   #1
I sometimes find myself staring at the orchard tree I grew up with. I find myself looking at its strong roots, penetrating the soil, providing a strong, stable base. I look at the tree itself, standing tall, looking over the smaller trees, protecting them from the harm nature casts upon them. This tree, in many ways, is just like my mother. Just like the orchard tree, my mother is strong and unmoving, always protecting her children the smaller trees, from whatever life may dole out. I can honestly and confidently say that my mother has been with me through all the good times and bad times in my life. She has always been beside me, providing the support and stability I need in my life, helping me through my first small steps in life, now to a huge step - college. My mother, however, is much more than a simple tree. She is my inspiration, a hardworking loving person who managed to raise two sons on her own without one being a juvenile teen or a rebel. She taught us everything from life morals to how important it is to work hard. Her long, stressful days of work, just for us, her kids. She has to provide us with food, clothes, and a warm, cozy house, without any help of my dad. She is everything a mother can be and more. She is the hardworking, caring, kind, stern, loving mother I feel every mother should be. However, she is different from any other ordinary mothers because she is able to have all these qualities without the support of a man in her life. Over the years, I have watched her struggle through long stressful days at work. I have seen her cry in her room from her overwhelming responsibilities. She has shed countless blood, sweat, and tearsïall for the sake of her children, my brother and I. As her child, I feel both proud and ashamed. I am proud to call this woman my mother because of her strong will and love that has motivated her to continue to work, survive, and provide support for her family. I am ashamed because there is only so much I can do to help her. The struggles my mother has been through provides me with the inspiration to become a strong, successful individual. I am determined to see that for every drop of tear my mother has shed, it will be returned by a wonderful moment in the future. The dedication my mother has for her family has encouraged me to do everything I am capable of doing for our family. I am willing to do anything and everything in my power to become a successful individual as the ultimate thanks to my mother for supporting and guiding me throughout my life and raising me to be the intelligent, resolute person I am today.

I sometimes find myself staring at the orchard tree I grew up with. I find myself looking at its strong roots, penetrating the soil, providing a strong, stable base. I look at the tree itself, standing tall, looking over the smaller trees, protecting them from the harm nature casts upon them. This tree, in many ways, is just like my mother. Just like the orchard tree, my mother is strong and unmoving, always protecting her children the smaller trees, from whatever life may dole out. I can honestly and confidently say that my mother has been with me through all the good times and bad times in my life. She has always been beside me, providing the support and stability I need in my life. My mother, however, is much more than a simple tree. My mother is my inspiration. She is everything a mother can be and more. She is the hardworking, caring, kind, stern, loving mother I feel every mother should be. However, she is different from other mothers because she is able to have all these qualities without the support of a man in her life. Over the years, I have watched her struggle through long stressful days at work. I have seen her cry in her room from her overwhelming responsibilities. Over the years, she has shed countless blood, sweat, and tearsïall for the sake of her children, me and my brother. As her child, I feel both proud and ashamed. I am proud to call this woman my mother because of her strong will and love that has motivated her to continue to work, survive, and provide support for her family. I am ashamed because there is only so much I can do to help her. The struggles my mother has been through provides me with the inspiration to become a strong, successful individual. I am determined to see that for every drop of tear my mother has shed, it will be returned by a wonderful moment in the future. The dedication my mother has for her family has encouraged me to do everything I am capable of doing for our family. I am willing to do anything and everything in my power to become a successful individual as the ultimate thanks to my mother for supporting and guiding me throughout my life and raising me to be the intelligent, resolute person I am today.

- College essay, topic of your choice. I decided to write about my mom.
- Wondering which version i should use, and any corrections i need to make that i missed.
- Thank you :)

robertbarnes - / 1  
Dec 25, 2010   #2
I vote you go for the second one. I like how it is more concise and i personally think it flows better!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Dec 25, 2010   #3
I look at the tree itself, standing tall, looking (how about a different word here, because it is too much "look") over the smaller trees, protecting them from...

The struggles my mother has been through provides provide me with the inspiration...

I guess the second one has my vote!

You should not end the first sentence of the essay with the word "with." You are not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition; people break that rule all the time, and it is not really bad to break it, but probably you should not break it in the first sentence of the essay.


Home / Undergraduate / My inspirational mom made me who i am today.
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳