Please take a look at this and tell me what you think. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Did I answer the prompt correctly? Should I add more information? I was trying to fit in how this also strengthened my family but I wasn't sure where I could put that in.
Personal Statement
A) The writer Pearl Buck once said: "One faces the future with one's past." What in your life and your background made you who you are today?
Connected to all sorts of fluid-filled tubes and buzzing machinery, the man looks back at me with eyes of fear and anguish. You would think this was a scene from a sadistic horror film. No, but it was pretty close. It's not a plot out of any science fiction novel or the basis of a terrifying nightmare that I could wake up from. This was a situation that was actually happening, and there was no waking up from it; the man laying there wide-eyed with fear was not a stranger from a movie scene. He was my grandfather.
Two Wednesdays ago, I came home after a particularly carefree day from school to hear some shattering news. My mother had rushed my grandpa to the hospital because he, being perpetually stubborn as always, had decided to take a bike ride against my grandma's wishes, fallen, and broken his hip. Although my family was worried, we had faith; my grandpa was considered very healthy for his age. No diabetes, high blood pressure, or heart problems, all of which were issues commonly found in the elderly population. After his surgery, however, his condition gradually took a turn for the worst, he had developed pneumonia.
And so, waiting in the hospital room with my grandmother, I felt useless. All I could offer was comforting touches and soothing words. I strained to understand each procedure, each blood test, and each different type of medicine that the nurses would administer, wondering what they were doing. Moreover, from many nurses I sensed a feeling of indifference and nonchalance. It was unnerving. For this reason, this event has led me to choose a path from the forked road that is the future. I strive to understand all the medical procedures and their implications and side-effects. I want to offer the sincere care that many of the nurses and even some of the doctors lacked. Prior to this event, I had been uncertain as to what my future holds. I knew I was going to college and I wanted to achieve success, but what success really? Now I have placed a goal in front of me, the extra push to launch myself into a winning road of determination. I am driven to set myself apart from those apathetic nurses I have met. I want to offer compassion to each person, to accept each of them as if they were my own mother, brother, or friend.
So even if I cannot offer my grandpa anything but a reassuring stroke of the hand or a supportive word, I know he will rest assured now that I have chosen a future dedicated to helping others the way I would have helped him.
The essay doesn't actually answer the prompt, as your grandfathers injury did not make you who you are today, only helped you make a decision about your future. Maybe you could use the essay later though, so I still went through it;
Your essay makes it sound as if, prior to your grandfather's injury, you never thought of going into health care. While that may actually be the case, you might want to say that you have always had an interest, but this incident helped you decide for certain that it is what you want to do with your life.
Connected to all sorts of fluid-filled tubes and buzzing machinery, the man looks back at me with eyes filled with fear and anguish.
All I could offer were comforting touches and soothing words.
I strained to understand each procedure, each blood test, and each different type of medicine that the nurses would administer, wondering what they were doing.This sounds like the NURSES were wondering what they were doing. :)
I want to offer the sincere ...(maybe 'compassionate' would be a better word) care that many of the nurses ...
Prior to this event, I had been uncertain as to what my future would hold .
Now I have placed a goal in front of myself , the extra push to launch myself onto a winning road of determination.
