'What inspires me to become a doctor' - my interest and experience

"Tell us something about yourself, an interest or experience, that the University of Illinois should know as part of the admissions process."

I believe everyone should strive for excellence and follow their dreams. From a young age I have always been an incredibly determined and driven person for everything that I set out to do. I have many hobbies and interests. Aside from every teenager's interest in sports, video games, etc, I also love to help people in need and make a difference. This is what inspires me to become a doctor. I believe becoming a doctor is the best way to make a difference in people's lives. The feeling of having the chance to save someone's life is beyond words. My inspiration was also due to a real life situation. When I was twelve years old, my grandma was suffering from kidney disease. My mother and I were by her side for several weeks. I would observe several doctors; working day and night, trying to help save my grandma from the serious medical condition. They dedicated their time, attention, and knowledge to a cause far greater than their own. After spending weeks in the hospital, my grandmother was healthy again. She came home with a heartwarming smile and praised all the doctors that helped her on her road to recovery. From that day on I decided I wanted to become a doctor. This experience inspired me to become the man I am today and I will do whatever it takes to reach my goal and achieve my dream.

Feedback?
Grammatical Errors?
Need Better Vocabulary?
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Thanks in Advance :D

I believe becoming a doctor is the best way to make a difference in people's lives.

You definitely need to say why. This is not the best way for everyone to make a difference. Talk about why it is perfect for you. The thing is, when you write an essay like this, it's good to talk about how much you want to help people, but you also need to stress your love of science. If you don't then the admissions people will wonder why you want to be a doctor when you could help people in so many other ways.

@sonya
Thanks a lot for the feedback. You're absolutely right. I will add to this and post it soon. Thanks again.

UPDATE!

I believe everyone should strive for excellence and follow their dreams. From a young age I have always been an incredibly determined and driven person for everything that I set out to do. I have many hobbies and interests. Aside from every teenager's interest in sports, video games, etc, I also love to help people in need and make a difference. My love for science also heightens my interest. Taking classes like anatomy and biology expanded my knowledge to the field. The love I have for both science and helping people inspired me to become a doctor. I believe becoming a doctor is the best way to make a difference in people's lives. The feeling of having the chance to save someone's life is beyond words. My inspiration was also due to a real life situation. When I was twelve years old, my grandma was suffering from kidney disease. My mother and I were by her side for several weeks. I would observe several doctors; working day and night, trying to help save my grandma from the serious medical condition. They dedicated their time, attention, and knowledge to a cause far greater than their own. After spending weeks in the hospital, my grandmother was healthy again. She came home with a heartwarming smile and praised all the doctors that helped her on her road to recovery. From that day on I decided I wanted to become a doctor. This experience inspired me to become the man I am today and I will do whatever it takes to reach my goal and achieve my dream.