I need help in editing my final college applications response. Any feedback or edit/s will be greatly appreciated!
As a Catholic University committed to building a more inclusive community, USD values students with diverse backgrounds and experiences. Briefly explain how your unique background and interests will contribute to our community. 1400 characters. I'm on 1394.
Studying in a private institution, I have been provided with exemplary degree of academic knowledge. However, growing up in a Christian school at the same time, my young mind has been instilled with Christian values. In today's generation, excelling academically is not the only way to success in life. There are more to it--one of which is being able to generously share your own time and effort.
In my school, I was exposed to the reality that not everyone is blessed with a relaxing life. Working with my fellow Student Council officers in fundraising projects helping the underprivileged and in outreaches to places where no regular governmental support is given, it surely was eye-opening. It didn't matter if I spent my Saturdays in school meetings. What was important was that I was part in helping our deprived countrymen.
After being in this Christian institution, I was able to establish the value of giving and sharing. Today, in this nation where there are more secular schools than spiritual, I will be able to use my faith and values as foundation for theirs. I have also gained a challenge in which influencing others who are spiritually lost and instilling values to them are the goals. I am confident that by entering USD, I can accomplish my challenge and actually find other people who may help me achieve that in a wider, more diverse range of people in the community.
Did I respond to the prompt efficiently? What phrases or sentences do you see can be replaced or removed? Thanks!
As a Catholic University committed to building a more inclusive community, USD values students with diverse backgrounds and experiences. Briefly explain how your unique background and interests will contribute to our community. 1400 characters. I'm on 1394.
Studying in a private institution, I have been provided with exemplary degree of academic knowledge. However, growing up in a Christian school at the same time, my young mind has been instilled with Christian values. In today's generation, excelling academically is not the only way to success in life. There are more to it--one of which is being able to generously share your own time and effort.
In my school, I was exposed to the reality that not everyone is blessed with a relaxing life. Working with my fellow Student Council officers in fundraising projects helping the underprivileged and in outreaches to places where no regular governmental support is given, it surely was eye-opening. It didn't matter if I spent my Saturdays in school meetings. What was important was that I was part in helping our deprived countrymen.
After being in this Christian institution, I was able to establish the value of giving and sharing. Today, in this nation where there are more secular schools than spiritual, I will be able to use my faith and values as foundation for theirs. I have also gained a challenge in which influencing others who are spiritually lost and instilling values to them are the goals. I am confident that by entering USD, I can accomplish my challenge and actually find other people who may help me achieve that in a wider, more diverse range of people in the community.
Did I respond to the prompt efficiently? What phrases or sentences do you see can be replaced or removed? Thanks!