Reflecting on your own interests and experiences, please comment on one of the following:
1. Intellectual engagement
When I was little, I always that that to be "intellectual" a person had to be the brightest and the best, but as I have gotten older, I have realized that being intellectual does not necessarily mean being naturally smart. It means being interested in what you are learning, and putting in that extra effort to succeed in school, not just for the grade, but for the knowledge. Intellectual engagement is necessary for success in life, even after education. What would happen if no one was ever curious, if no one ever tried to dig deeper and learn something? We would be without modern technologies and medicines. Our country would never advance in the world. It takes intellectual engagement to improve the lives of people everywhere. Sadly, children today in schools do not care about learning more, they only want to learn just enough to pass a test. Teachers need to find a way to make learning fun so children want to learn, so they want to go that extra mile to succeed and gain new knowledge. If there is to be any kind of future for today's people, and solutions to today's problems, there needs to be intellectual engagement today.
Please tell me what you think!!!
It's a good essay and you're completely right in your thoughts. But try to add some sort of personal story to the point. Like talk about how you came to the realization that it was more than being smart.
The first sentence is a bit of a run-on, you point should be direct.
I agree with andaduday, you should try to incorporate a personal touch to this.
I would recommend to cut that kids are not intellectually engaged anymore (this is so generallized, it can only be wrong) and add a personal story.
Beginning great, then not so good.
I would very appreciate feedback on my essay.
...I always thought that to be "intellectual", a person had to be the best and brightest. But as I grew older, I have seen friends pour over books for hours on end and still did not receive the highest grades, or sometimes, not even good grades. But they kept at it, never giving up. I have realized that being intellectual does not necessarily mean being naturally smart and having a 4.0 GPA.
try not to use the word get/got so much, use more descriptive verbs! also, if you can/have room, go more in depth about what being intellectual truly means. you barely talk about it and thats the main part of the essay!
:)
Here's my suggestion, do not know if it makes sense to you:
You should just talk about that interest and not grades are what defines intellectual.
The fact that you include the smartest part makes the point a little less powerful
(because caring only for grades is bad, but being smart..., I hope I am getting my point across)
Very well said, and I agree with 100% of what you've said. However, I also think you need to add at least one short concrete example as a personal touch. It could be about an experience which further reiterated your point, like a subject which you never liked so you had to cram all the facts before the test and then forget right after you went out of the house...something like that...
Please help me with my 2 essays, it would really be grateful if you do.
All the best on your application!
