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An Intellectual Experience:Stanford Short Essay


ore4thebetter 5 / 14  
Dec 17, 2009   #1
Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

My keen eyes stayed glued to the television as it stimulated such ceaseless exhilaration. The perpetual hysteria it stirred within me accrued over time as my favorite dance-show reached its' climaxing conclusion. Intensifying the excitement further, my favorite dancer took the stage. She danced with such grace and adeptness that I was certain she would emerge winner. Beneath the exquisite display of adroitness, I suddenly caught a glimpse of one of natures beautiful properties as she pirouetted across the stage. For the first time, I began to question how such skill was achieved. Why does she begin to retract her hands as she pirouettes? Does her periodical oscillation help her spin longer? While my mind wondered I didn't realize she had been crowned winner. In my opinion she deserved it for stimulating my then seven year old mind.

A vast majority of these questions I have been able to answer from my high school physics class and personal researches. In answering them and observing other natural phenomenon other questions begin to arise. It is to this questions I owe my never relinquishing desire to learn. Allowing my mind to inquire is a justly deserved sacrifice for the sense of fulfillment I derive in answering these questions. There is nothing more exciting than watching Newton's laws play out or understanding the principles of electricity that we all enjoy but never question.

Science has always brought me a sense of fulfillment, a certain satisfaction that can only be ascribed to her. My genuine fascination in understanding nature's wonders and using it to create beauties serves as a pointer that perhaps Electrical-Engineering is my predestined career - maybe electric cars may just be it since it encompasses my love for both electricity and mechanics.
smileypeace10 1 / 4  
Dec 17, 2009   #2
"It is to this questions"

It should be "It is to these questions..."
politik 6 / 34  
Dec 18, 2009   #4
I was certain she would emerge winner

I was certain she would emerge the winner

glimpse of one of natures

glimpse of nature's

Somehow,

natures beautiful properties

doesn't fit in there.Think of something else instead of that.

Just asking..but do 7 year olds actually know about periodic oscillations?

A vast majority of these questions I have been able to answe

I have been able to answer a vast...

In answering them and observing other natural phenomenon other questions begin to arise.

This sentence could do with better editing...it doesnt ring out nicely.

It is to this questions I owe my never relinquishing desire to learn

I owe my never relinquishing desire to learn to these questions

sense of fulfillment, a certain satisfaction

fulfillment and a...

Why call Science 'her'?

wonders and using it to

using them

Just my tips.

can u read my essay and tell me if its any good?...not the grammar and all..but the main idea..
OP ore4thebetter 5 / 14  
Dec 18, 2009   #5
Ok...Would read it as soon as I am done with my current essay.btw what do you think about the idea of my essay.
politik 6 / 34  
Dec 18, 2009   #6
Hi!!
I realized that you must have been looking for feedback on the idea rather than the grammar..:D..i did the grammar because it was easy for me..I myself am bad at essays...

I do think that you have answered the prompt by describing an incident which provoked your mind to look for answers..
OP ore4thebetter 5 / 14  
Dec 18, 2009   #7
Ok...thanks let me go see your essay.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 20, 2009   #8
suddenly caught a glimpse of one of natures beautiful

Add an apostrophe to nature's!!

seven year-old mind

The perpetual hysteria it stirred within me accrued over time as my favorite dance-show reached its' climaxing conclusion.---> this is a little overblown. Too many big words... makes it seem unnatural. I hope that does not seem discouraging.

Less floweryness, more content. I suggest writing about this intellectually engaging subject in a way that is specific, and write about areas of RESEARCH, scholarly research associated with it.


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