Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development. (250 word limit)
When I had received my first computer, I had no intention of doing anything with it but play flash games and do schoolwork. It was an old corporate hand me down laptop that had a Pentium 4-M processor and barely ran Windows XP and was almost 10 years old at the time, but came at no cost to neither me nor my family. As I booted up the system, everything familiar - I could do just as I did on the family computer. But as I continued to use the computer, I began to think: what more was possible with this little piece of hardware?
And thus I began my foray into programming and everything else having to do with computers. I had everything to gain and nothing to lose from this costless device, and with that kind of freedom, I set out to learn, and more importantly, try, everything I could. Eventually, I learned BASIC and a little bit of C from my adventures, and while also coming to find a passion for the computing field.
For me, I derive my intellectual vitality from an intense curiosity of my surroundings. Any little thought could be the seeds of a new idea. With this attitude, I find myself inadvertently searching for knowledge every day. Because of this, I often find myself spending far too much time on a certain internet encyclopedia, but if given the choice, I wouldn't change a thing.
I think that you should focus more that one experience rather than telling anything generic.
- The last paragraph looks like a conclusion with platitudes. I would suggest that you keep the entire word-limit for developing the experience which is specific to you.
- Furthermore, the experience ended without a clear lesson - how did this experience demonstrate your intellectual development. A clear and concrete achievement could make the story complete. Perhaps, something that you did with that, rather immediate, which was of some value to you or someone else.
- Timelines. When did this happen in your life? This is important -- a person in the 10th class doing this weighs differently from a person in the 5th class.
- Some technical words can be removed -- pentium 4-m, hardware (machine?).
- Get rid of the "family computer" thing -- confused me a little, also I don't think that information carries importance here.
The topic is good -- getting a computer early on in life (if you are from a developing nation - I'm Indian) can be hugely advantageous. Perhaps you can talk about programming, things you learned on the internet, what you thought of the internet as a tool of the future -- point being, you need to have some more details in the story.
Hope to read your revised essay soon!
I did numerous little tweaks, and it would not make sense to individually post each small tweak -- so I am reposting the entire essay. Note that this is exactly 250 words -- I'm having trouble fitting any more details in. Is there any specific portion I could cut out to make room? In addition, I believe the intellectual development would be my newfound passion for computer science, but if that's not clear I would love to hear suggestions on how to make it so.
When I had received my first computer in the 7th grade, I had no intention of doing anything with it but play flash games and do schoolwork. It was an old corporate hand-me-down laptop that barely ran Windows XP and was almost 10 years old at the time, but came at no cost to neither me nor my family. As I booted up the system, everything was familiar. But as I continued to use the computer, I began to think: what more was possible with this seemingly insignificant machine?
And thus I began my foray into programming and everything else having to do with computers. I had everything to gain and nothing to lose from this costless device, and with that kind of freedom, I set out to learn, and more importantly, try, everything I could. I trawled the Internet in my search, and found an information saturated world to explore. Eventually, I learned to program in BASIC and a little bit of C from my adventures, and while also coming to find a passion for the computing field.
For me, I derive my intellectual vitality from an intense curiosity of my surroundings. As with my first computer, a simple question became the grounds for the discovery of a personal joy. With this attitude, I find myself inadvertently searching for knowledge every day. Because of this, I often find myself spending far too much time on a certain internet encyclopedia, but if given the choice, I wouldn't change a thing.
Hey, in my humble opinion, you just removed a few details. You need to be more specific, the essay prompt asks you to describe one idea or experience. What you are offering is this -- "I received a computer for free, learned a few programming languages". Does this describe how you got an interest in computer science. Stanford would need more, much more.
I suggest you write this essay from scratch. Avoid platitudes and contradictions, like such --
- "As I booted up the system, everything was familiar". If everything was familiar, then what's the big deal? This is an example of a contradiction, you are basically telling them that there was nothing new with this experience.
- "what was more possible with the (superfluous word) (superfluous word) computer" ---> "more possible" is wrong. So, what was more possible? You ask a question and you didn't answer what you discovered or found. These are platitudes -- something which is a generic statement without any significance to your story or yourself, personally.
- You found a wealth of knowledge, then why did you learn programming? What got you interested?
I think you need a whole different story or better this by giving concrete examples. In my opinion, you should write a fresh essay and not edit. You can still keep the essay topic the same but writing it afresh, with the above things in mind, will improve your essay drastically.
Good luck! Producing a Stanford essay takes lot of time. Don't give up.
OK, so I think I understand what you are saying. I decided to try and improve my existing essays with concrete examples as to why I like programming, some examples of things I did with programming, and finally, a reflection on those things. I also fixed any contradictions and unimportant extras. I cut out generic material at the end of the essay and this is what I have. I decided to keep the "seemingly insignificant machine" because I am trying to create a sense that I(in 7th grade) didn't realize the potential that computing had to offer
When I had received my first computer in the 7th grade, I had no intention of doing anything with it but play flash games and do schoolwork. It was an old hand-me-down laptop that barely ran Windows XP and was almost 10 years old at the time, but was of no cost. However, as I continued to use the computer, I began to think: what else was possible with this seemingly insignificant machine?
And thus I began my foray into the computing world. I had everything to gain and nothing to lose from this costless device, and with that kind of freedom, I set out to learn, and more importantly, try, everything I could. I trawled the Internet in my search, and found an information saturated world to explore. In particular, programming intrigued me - it was like teaching a dog to perform tricks, albeit with a keyboard and carefully structured syntax. As I tinkered with code, I made a password protected journal, a recreation of the game Snake, and a (admittedly insecure) password holder. Looking back, those are trivial to implement, but at the time, I was ecstatic at the power I held. Eventually, I became proficient in BASIC and a little bit of C from my adventures, and while also coming to find a passion for the computing field.
For me, I derive my intellectual vitality from an intense curiosity of my surroundings. As with my first computer, a simple question became the grounds for the discovery of a personal joy.
... I had no intention of doing anything with it but play flash games and do schoolwork.
And thus I began my foray (venture?) into the computing world. I had everything to gain and nothing to lose from this costless device...
I trawled (?) the Internet in my search, and found an information saturated (sounds weird) world to explore.
In particular, programming intrigued me; it was like teaching ...
I like your essay but you use some words that sound a bit weird then again I don't know how you speak
