UC Essay #1
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
"Assume positive intent." Although this phrase possess a different meaning in the retail world than it does in the public health, and human development world, the same underlying concept remains valid: even if something or someone's actions may appear detrimental on the surface, I must always search for the good in a situation. I had first heard this phrase during training for a new job; more recently, I have found ways to correlate it to previous life experiences; a difficult experience that made me question a saddening, but also vague obstacle.
In 2005, my grandmother was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, which took her life not too long afterwards. I continued to search for answers for her sudden death: she did not smoke, and no one around her had either. As I got older, I was able to construct another possible explanation for her disease: her environmental. Inadvertently, the toxins in the environment where she lived affected her quality of life. This realization introduced my curiosity and passion to understand the development of humans, and how our health is affected by externalaties. Her situation led me to want to study public health, and human development to be able to contribute to research and policies put into place to help improve the public's overall quality of life. Researching this subject has helped me learn how social, economic, and scientific factors have all contributed to ultimately worsen the environment over time; many professionals believe that we have affected our environment, and ultimately our health in irreversible ways. Even though we can not take back what has already happened, I am assuming positive intent in this overall subject of our health as a community; even though some people believe that the rescue for human health issues are unattainable, assuming positive intent allows me to desire to contribute to a change for future generations
My grandmothers story allowed me to think out side of the normal, and awaken my curiosity to how issues happen, and as well as giving me the determination to help contribute to a solution.
ANY ADVICE would be AMAZING! thank you please!
the essay is well written, but i have minor notifications.
the introduction drew me lost, its very good in structure, but it try to make it more clear.
in the last line, change " grandmothers" to " grandmother's"
in the end of sixth line, instead of "Her situation led me to want to study public health" try something more creative like, " her situation triggered my curiosity, leading me to the studies of Public Health"