"Interest in Brown because I love hills" short anwer.

Last spring, my rowing coach colored my world in Brown. "I know you, Keeny. You are a kid who just wants to attack her classes, bust her butt at rowing practice, and then gather some friends for a study session and cupcakes. You fit Brown, and Brown fits you."

I love Brown because I love hills. I have mountain biked with my dad and twin brother since age nine. While they fly off jumps and careen down slopes, I edge over ledges and choke my brakes until they screech. Then we ride uphill. I look over my shoulder to see my family far behind me. Sweat drips to my handlebars, a smile spreads across my face, and my eyes become transfixed on the summit ahead. The key to riding uphill is selecting your own "vein" in the rock, and then to find your unique "groove". Brown is a school where, through the Open Curriculum, every hill is freely chosen. Like intersecting mountain bike tracks, Brown students pursue their own vistas while being inspired by the paths of their peers.

Katherine,


interesting comparation.

you have desribed here more about the influence that directed you towards Brown, try to describe a bit more why does Brown appeal to you as a college option?.

I love Brown because I love hills. ---- interesting!!

I have mountain biked with my dad and twin brother since age nine. I think this part is actually unnecessary. When I think of the point of your essay, it seems that this detail is sort of distracting...

Like intersecting mountain bike tracks, Brown students pursue their own vistas while being inspired by the paths of their peers.--- this theme is great... abstract enough to really interest the reader. It's a good idea! You can compound this with another theme if you find a way to extend the comparison so that it somehow includes the larger process of finding your vein in the rock of your career.

Katherine, I think you can elaborate on rowing rather than "hills", which seems to be vague. You can talk about how your imagination brings you to row in Brown's board ocean of "open curriculum", and talk about how the liberal atmosphere appeals to you and fits you. Rowing make you more real.