Hello fellow essayforum members.
I need your help. Please tell me on how I could improve this essay.
Any critiques are welcome.
Thank you in advance.
Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.
"Trust me, this will be a wonderful experience." My mother said. I didn't know what to expect. As I approached the door, my eyes detected a very old woman, around 90 years of age. As we entered, the old woman exclaimed, "Please let me leave! I need to pick up my children from school." My mother answered, "Don't worry Tanya, your husband has already picked them up." I didn't really understand why the lady said she needed to pick up her children, until later on in the day. My mother explained to me that the old woman had a severe stage of Alzheimer's. At that time, I didn't know any of this medical jargon, I don't think any seven year old knows what Alzheimer's is. I soon came to know that this was a Nursing home, filled with elderly people who have all sorts of physiological problems. Of course I didn't know how to help the people out, but after a month or two constantly spending time with the elderly, their mood's started to lighten up. Some saw me as a son, while others saw me as a grandson. I played with them, ate with them, and even napped with them. Constantly keeping them company seemed to make them less stressed and feel like they're at home. I then realized that not having any family members to support them really took a toll on them. I fell in love with taking care of them.
One evening my parents announced that we won the green card and were planning to move from Israel to the United States. Fear struck me like a lightning bolt hitting a tree. After questioning and scolding my mother for leaving her job, she explained to me that America would provide better opportunities for the whole family. My interest in medicine abruptly ended until I was 13 and found the opportunity to volunteer at Coney Island Hospital. I first started off completing all sorts of clerical work such as organizing patient charts and notes. I attended physiology and anatomy courses that the volunteer department set up, and it all led up to taking the volunteer nurse assistant examination. I would unlock the ability to care for the patients on the units such as taking vital signs, making their beds, and simply just keeping them company. The patients always had a lot of gratitude for me. They seemed to recover much more quickly than patients who had nobody to interact with. I realized how extra attention can really make a patient's day. Being able to help people who are sick is the most fulfilling career I could imagine pursuing. Due to this opportunity, I have developed a strong work ethic and I know that in order to be truly happy with my life, I will need a career that I love. Because of all of these experiences, I believe I would be a perfect fit for Rutgers. Not only will I be able to adapt to the diverse population on campus, but I would also give back to the community of Rutgers with my immense fervor and infatuation for volunteering.
I need your help. Please tell me on how I could improve this essay.
Any critiques are welcome.
Thank you in advance.
Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.
"Trust me, this will be a wonderful experience." My mother said. I didn't know what to expect. As I approached the door, my eyes detected a very old woman, around 90 years of age. As we entered, the old woman exclaimed, "Please let me leave! I need to pick up my children from school." My mother answered, "Don't worry Tanya, your husband has already picked them up." I didn't really understand why the lady said she needed to pick up her children, until later on in the day. My mother explained to me that the old woman had a severe stage of Alzheimer's. At that time, I didn't know any of this medical jargon, I don't think any seven year old knows what Alzheimer's is. I soon came to know that this was a Nursing home, filled with elderly people who have all sorts of physiological problems. Of course I didn't know how to help the people out, but after a month or two constantly spending time with the elderly, their mood's started to lighten up. Some saw me as a son, while others saw me as a grandson. I played with them, ate with them, and even napped with them. Constantly keeping them company seemed to make them less stressed and feel like they're at home. I then realized that not having any family members to support them really took a toll on them. I fell in love with taking care of them.
One evening my parents announced that we won the green card and were planning to move from Israel to the United States. Fear struck me like a lightning bolt hitting a tree. After questioning and scolding my mother for leaving her job, she explained to me that America would provide better opportunities for the whole family. My interest in medicine abruptly ended until I was 13 and found the opportunity to volunteer at Coney Island Hospital. I first started off completing all sorts of clerical work such as organizing patient charts and notes. I attended physiology and anatomy courses that the volunteer department set up, and it all led up to taking the volunteer nurse assistant examination. I would unlock the ability to care for the patients on the units such as taking vital signs, making their beds, and simply just keeping them company. The patients always had a lot of gratitude for me. They seemed to recover much more quickly than patients who had nobody to interact with. I realized how extra attention can really make a patient's day. Being able to help people who are sick is the most fulfilling career I could imagine pursuing. Due to this opportunity, I have developed a strong work ethic and I know that in order to be truly happy with my life, I will need a career that I love. Because of all of these experiences, I believe I would be a perfect fit for Rutgers. Not only will I be able to adapt to the diverse population on campus, but I would also give back to the community of Rutgers with my immense fervor and infatuation for volunteering.