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interest and preparation for art school -(feedback)



gouaoulde 2 / 2  
Jan 26, 2010   #1
Submit two examples of writing, each between 200 and 400 words.
In the first, discuss your interest in, and preparation for, a RISD art and design education.

Art used to be a way to escape, which has now become the reality that I have always dreamt of.
The 8 years I spent in Paris since I was 5 is both the best and the worst time of my life. In the eyes of those who have not experienced culture differences, they might wonder how it can be bad and even doubt it. Paris, as known, is undeniably a very charming city. It has preserved its history very well with architecture of various kinds, together with the most famous monuments and museums of the time. However, in the hearts of such wonderful environment, I had to fight against myself to adapt to it. Not able to speak a word of French, I listened in the classroom and hung out with French kids for hours every day. I felt as if I was a mute, I could not say what I wanted, or did not want, no one could hear what my feelings and thoughts were. All the things that I could express in words, I converted into drawings. Unlike the reality, everything would be under my control because I would be creating my own world. During art sessions in school, teachers and peers approached and took interest in what I would do, and that was the time I found myself the feeling of presence.

Now looking back, the French culture plus the language handicap got me to develop deep interest and passion for art. I have been exposed to only a few kinds of Mediums until now, but now I became curious of all others that exist.

I wish to approach art in much more serious manner, and create works that have professional qualities. Attending RISD would be the perfect path for me, the inspiration and real feedbacks, critiques I would get from teachers and my peers would push me to grow as a superior artist. I hope as a RISD student with strong motivation and diverse background can positively contribute to the community.

Please HELP T_T

HowieD9 3 / 5  
Jan 26, 2010   #2
at first i hadnt seen the connection between your first sentence and the point of the essay but you happened to bring the point across quite well and tied together the essay later on.i think your essay is pretty good.
Nasir2009 4 / 14  
Jan 26, 2010   #3
I agree with HowieD9...the introduction provides the layout foundation for the rest of the essay. PLease review the first paragraph
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 27, 2010   #4
Art used to be a way for me to escape, but it has now become the reality that I have always dreamt of. add another sentence here to explain to the reader what you mean. I know the essay will explain it, but I still think you should elaborate a little more in this first paragraph.

The 8 years I spent in Paris since I was 5 represent both the best and the worst time of my life. ---- very interesting!

However, in the heart of such wonderful environment, I had to fight against myself to adapt to it.

I felt as if I was a mute; I could not say what I wanted, or did not want, and no one could hear what my feelings and thoughts were. --- this is a well-written sentence!

Attending RISD would be the perfect path for me; the inspiration and real feedbacks, critiques I would get from teachers and my peers would push me to grow as a superior artist. I hope that as a RISD student with strong motivation and diverse background I can positively contribute to the community.
OP gouaoulde 2 / 2  
Jan 28, 2010   #5
Thanks everyone, your feedbacks helped me. I will review the first paragraph and maybe explain it a bit more :D


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