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Interest in a Summer Research Program at Duke University



brayan1996 17 / 34  
Jun 22, 2017   #1
Hello, can someone please help me edit this for any mechanical and/or wrong word usage. I am applying for this summer research program at Duke and wanted to know whether the reasons that I present for wanting to participate sound valid. Also, how can some of my ideas be presented better to help my response be better communicated. If not, please tell me if I can leave it as is. Your help would be greatly appreciated.

Why are you interested in participating in the Duke SROP? (400 words or less)

SROP - best program to join



Duke University is an institution renowned for its high caliber research. Having said this, Duke offers students, regardless of their financial barriers, the chance to become a part of the academic family. Being given the opportunity to conduct real life and independent scientific research is something that I would love to take part in. The reason for this is because the independence within the laboratories is what allows students to experience graduate school life at its best and most genuine way. Participating in the Summer Research Opportunity Program will allow me to think deeper about issues that continue to prevail in medicine and science while simultaneously seeking for solutions to these problems. The SROP program offers students the ability to work closely with faculty while bringing to fruition a lasting mentoring relationship that promises to keep students interested in pursuing graduate degrees, such as PhD and MD. Likewise, Duke University offers students the freedom to enjoy asking questions that may not have answers to. This is what helps stimulate the sense of independence that allows the student to feel comfortable and unafraid to venture into the unknown. It is this world that I would like to be a part of; a world that fosters and values individuality while contributing to that individual's intellectual maturity.

As a minority and first generation student who has strong interest in pursuing a doctorate degree, I could not think of a better program to join than SROP. The Neuroscience department at Duke University provides students the chance to gain a diverse perspective on whatever study they choose within this specialty. Because of this, I would like to conduct research related to Neuroscience. Being exposed to research in the Neuroscience department will allow me to gain access to opportunities that my school does not have. Furthermore, this program offers students the opportunity to become better informed of the path towards a graduate school degree. By exposing individuals to GRE preparation techniques and other weekly group led research activities, SROP promises the success of minority and underrepresented students to in graduate school. With the slow but steady increase in the number of minority students that have gone on to pursue doctorate degrees, I hope to contribute by committing to pursue my dreams of obtaining my doctorates degree.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15393  
Jun 23, 2017   #2
Brayan, please note that contributors are limited to only one free advice per thread now. The advice that I will be giving you is all encompassing and I will not be able to help you with further edits to your paper. So posting a second version for further editing or approval will be a waste of your time. Grammar-wise, the essay is alright. No major mistakes that should worry you. The content though it's what worries me. The first paragraph is boring and generic. There is no hook that catches the readers attention. It would help your paper if you use the current second paragraph as your first paragraph. Then, focus on developing a new second paragraph instead based your interest in Neuroscience research. Find a specific research subject that you can begin looking into during the summer internship. As an intern, you must show that you are capable of making good use of the time by laying out the foundation of your career startin with an impressive internship application and showing. This current essay doesn't create that sort of interest or show that you will be able to fully utilize your time other than being a general interest intern. This essay doesn't pop in terms of creating an image for you on paper. Do this and the essay will be ready for submission.


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