Intra-university transfer statement detailing why you want to join School of Information Studies

Note: The prompt is very vague, but what I was given was "A one page personal statement detailing why you want to be in the iSchool" It's a bit longer than a page so anything that doesn't seem necessary can be cut out. Thank you!

When I initially began my journey here at Syracuse University, I was unsure what direction I wanted to take my education. I started as an Economics major in the College of Arts and Sciences from its appeal to reinforce what I believed were my interests from high school. Despite having an extensive list of courses and majors to choose from, I found that the option I selected wasn't appropriately fitting my needs as a student or as a person. Even though the College of Arts and Sciences was not what I was seeking in my academic endeavors, what it did accomplish was helping me to narrow down the field I wanted to pursue. The broad amount of courses supported exploration in various areas to try different things, but I hope to find a new home at the School of Information Studies.

When I received my first inexpensive and mediocre laptop around the age of eleven, I was almost completely illiterate to the world of computers. As I embarked upon my exploration of the new machine in my possession I started to see the endless possibilities of what it could do, but I also uncovered the many glitches and issues that accompanies them. It began with simple solutions: deleting programs, troubleshooting or the general maintenance that occurs from daily use. I continued to delve deeper becoming ever more fascinated with the knowledge I was gaining through its basic use. As I became more experienced I lusted for increasingly better performance, and quickly understood how inadequate my current computer was even for light tasks. Although at the forefront this appears to be a terrible encounter to undergo, when I look back upon the ordeal I realize it was an excellent learning opportunity hidden behind my juvenile frustration. Since my laptop lacked pure strength I was forced to do anything I could to maximize my computer's power, whether that was tweaking settings or frantically trying to cool down my scorching hot machine so it didn't melt in my hands. This unforeseen challenge intrigued me to keep digging deeper into the depths of my computer and ultimately cultivated the beginning stages of my passion for computers. It eventually led me to become interested in staying up to date on cutting edge tech, participating in a Cyber Security workshop where I learned about networking and the fundamentals of the internet, to finally having the proficiency to build my own desktop by hand.

For the greater part of my life, my background with technology and computers has been a very self-driven learning experience. While I have made gratifying progress throughout my own ventures, in the broader sense of the seemingly infinite world of technology I haven't even scratched the surface. I would like to be admitted into the iSchool because I have the ability to utilize the expertise of devoted and highly decorated educators to push my passion even further. My aspiration is to improve upon my skills in the ever changing field of tech by collaborating and networking with peers through hands on experiences enabled by the iSchool. My long-lived attraction to technology has provided a medium to facilitate personal growth through practical application for which I hope to continue here at Syracuse University.

In terms of the content of the paper, i think it's good. You've stated why you would be the best candidate for admissions based on the stories of you childhood and passion for computers. The conclusion is nice because you've nicely summarized your above paragraphs and reiterated loosely what characteristics you have would excel your chances in admissions.

Below I corrected some grammar and a few unnecessary words. To further cut down your paper with concern on being it one page, you should cut out phrases that reiterate what you've already said/ avoid wordiness.

Please help with mine => Negative connotation of feminism and reasonings of why women today do not identify with the movement
It's under the Research Paper thread
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When I initially began my journey here ...

... option I selected wasn't appropriately fitting my needs as ...

When I received my first inexpensive and mediocre laptop (...), I was almost completely illiterate to ...

... glitches and issues that accompaniesaccompany them.

... I was gaining through its basicessential use.

... better performance, and quickly understood...

... encounter to undergo, when I look back (...) hidden behind my juvenilegrowing frustration.

Since my laptop lacked pure strength, I was forced (...) scorching hot machine, so it didn't...
... proficiency to build my own desktop by hand.

... progress throughout my own ventures, in the broader ...

... with peers through hands onhands-on experiences enabled ...

Keegan, I believe that you can remove your history with computers that indicate the age of 11. The age when you got your first computer is actually irrelevant to the reason why you wish to change schools at Syracuse. This essay should basically cover just 2 paragraphs for conciseness. That means that the first paragraph should explain why you are not satisfied with your current major / department and the second should explain why you think the transfer will best suit your educational needs. There is no need for a transition story that dates so far back between the two paragraphs.

For the first paragraph, make sure to mention your current major, any accomplishments you have in that major that left you feeling unsatisfied, and the major reasons why you felt attracted to the iSchool. In the case of transfer students, the reason behind the transfer should always sound like a logical progression of interests. Starting with the one that you are currently in, slowly moving towards the iSchool due to exposure to technology or the classes from that department (through schoolmates or dorm mates) over time. At the moment, your line of reasoning in the first paragraph makes it seem like your current course was only meant, on your part, as a place holder at the university until you figured out what you really wanted to study. Don't make your statement sound that way because the reviewer might tend to think that you will be transferring departments again in the future.

In order to convince the reviewer that you are destined for the new major that you are opting for and that you will not be switching majors in the future, you need to strengthen the reasons for your wish to transfer. First of all, pick a major at the iSchool. Then focus your reason for transferring on the Cyber Security angle since that seems to be the part that has the most impact among your computer interests and could, very well lead to a strong decision regarding your major at the department.

So, the portions that I feel you should build on in this essay are paragraphs 1 and 3. You can transition your interest from your current major using a simple sentence to lead into the interest in computers. Remember, be specific, pick a major and discuss your skills development in that field in order to try to convince the reviewer that you have finally found your final major for college.

@Holt

Thank you very much for reviewing my paper, you have included some very helpful constructive criticism.

The only question I have regards my potentially new major at the iSchool. They have a system out of the ordinary, there's only one major for undergrad students which is a BS in Information Management and Technology. There are concentrations that allow one to move down different paths (web design, cyber sec, comp sci). Does this change the approach I should be trying to convey in reference to the majors?

You should definitely change the path of your presentation. While there is only a single major offered be university, you are being allowed to study all the major paths that will help build your knowledge and skill the field that best relates to your interests. Therefore, all of your information should relate to cyber security if this is the field that you have the most non-academic or non-professional experience in. What I mean by non-academic or non-professional is that you do not have any formal knowledge of the field aside from some self-taught or observed information that can help you adjust to the formal school setting of the iSchool. If you focus on a particular concentration, it will become clear to the reviewer that you are going to be following a specific path of learning that will allow you to become an expert in two fields while attending only one school.