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"intrigued by the human brain" - Common App Prompt #1



AnnaAnomaly 1 / -  
Dec 1, 2009   #1
"Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you."

After my first high school psychology class, I became intrigued by the human brain. As I walked though the halls, experiencing daily emotions, I could picture what was going on in my brain. Serotonin would swim through my neurons after I ate carbohydrates; my thalamus and amygdala would activate as someone screamed in the hallway. With quirky excitement, I tried to learn as much as I could about the brain. I ended up spending my allowance on APA memberships, Scientific American Mind subscriptions, and summer camp application fees.

The following summer, in hopes of broadening my knowledge of body-behavior interactions, I attended Biotechnology Summer Camp. Along with making bacteria glow under black light, and learning how DNA was mapped, I saw how real-world research was being done.

I was not naive going into the situation. I knew that animal experimentation was used. However, one of the tours was of the Oklahoma Medical Research Facility (OMRF) and I thought animal research was a good cause in that case. They were not giving sun burns to bunnies to test moisturizer; they were saving human lives- a question of us or the animals.

As it turned out, the research techniques fell outside of my comfort zone. My own logic tells me animal research is necessary, but I can not help but feel uncomfortable with it. I know that the amygdala, which processes fear and aggression, lays within the most ancient part of the brain- the limbic system. It is shared by humans and fish alike. I also know that almost all multicellular animals possess nervous systems. Both of these structures were present in the chinchilla whose ear I saw dissected on the table at OMRF. To my understanding, emotions arise from biochemical interactions within the body, involving structures such as the limbic and nervous systems. It seems undeniable that animals feel pain and fear at least somewhat similarly to us. This entire body-emotion process makes me jittery; the subject that intrigues me the most brought me the knowledge that makes me fear it. I do not want my interests and my values to be inconsistent.

Somehow, I believe that I can reconcile the two. What OMRF does seems good, at least for our species. In addition, with emerging research tools such as MRIs and PET scans, I trust I can find a way to do much of my research in psychology while remaining consistent with my values. The ability to develop many new modes of exploring the world (CAT scans, etc.) is one of the most exciting parts of being involved in an emerging field. Neuroscience is still one of my favorite subjects, and I plan to find a way to guiltlessly enjoy it.

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Tell me what you think! Title recommendations would be very helpful, as would a way to make the opening sentence draw more attention. Thanks!

EF_Susan - / 2310  
Dec 1, 2009   #2
Your topic sentences are great for leading the reader through the essay. You do need to add another sentence at the end of your first paragraph though, to support the idea of having to reconcile your interest in the brain with your distaste for animal testing.

After my first high school psychology class, I became intrigued by the human brain.
How does this sound?It was during my first high school psychology class, that I became intrigued by the human brain.

...that animals feel pain and fear at least somewhat similarly to the way humans do .
nikhurs 4 / 16  
Dec 6, 2009   #3
The following summer Following what? Be a little more clear.
marvykigs 2 / 3  
Dec 6, 2009   #4
I think you should get rid of the first sentence you have now and just start with the second one. it would draw more attention. Nice essay!


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