Prompt #1
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any
experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement
Any criticism, comments, corrections in grammar, and suggestions would be helpful. Be brutal about it. Thanks.
I remember back in my freshmen year of high school I was arguing with my English teacher about a bad grade that she gave me in one of my essays. Because I knew that my essay was right on track, I composed an argument based on the requirements that she asked for to be in the essay. I gave her my argument and after she checked my essay again she said that I was right that the grade I received was unjust so she changed my grade from a D to a B. Two months after, in my AVID class we went to the computer lab to do a questionnaire for career choices and I remember that eight out of the ten choices were related to the field business however one career, for some reason, grab my attention, Law. These events change my life, the first one showed me that I could accomplish whatever I want if I put the effort and my intelligence into it. The second occurrence was the most important because for the first time I had a goal set in my life, I had something to work for, to accomplish, and that goal is to become a lawyer, specifically a criminal defense lawyer.
My first goal in life cannot be accomplished without a bachelor's degree. Thus, the majors I been focusing my education on are Legal Studies and Law and Society. I chose these majors because since I was in middle school I been intrigue by how law works and this fascination got even stronger in high school knowing that I could study a career in law. My rationality, perseverance, and passion to learn and understand a concept can be put into great use in either one of these careers because law is universal, is crucial for society, and it affects people in many ways and through rational analysis these effects can change people in a good way. That is why law is fascinating because one's values can be reflected upon it.
The most important experience that I have regarding to my career happened in my senior year in high school when I volunteer at the San Diego City Attorney's Office. This experience fascinated me because for the first time I was going to be around lawyers in their workplace. My work, while I was volunteering, was mainly to archive files and to answer phones however once a week I was able to deliver the cases to the different prosecutors in the building. I learned a lot from them because most of them talked to me about the environment of the courts, how to deal with people, and the things that must be done before going into trial. In addition, all of the prosecutors were friendly to me and they help me whenever I had a question regarding the field of law. All of these just kept reinforcing my interest in law because I understood that if I apply myself I could fulfill my goal of being a lawyer.
Prompt #2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
My life has been relatively easy. I have many good and bad experiences but one experience that really marked me happened at the end of my freshmen year at San Diego State University. That really bad experience started when I received e-mail on May 22, 2008. I was getting ready for my summer class and before I left my house I checked my e-mail account, I saw an e-mail from the Admissions office, I knew something bad was going to happen, I opened the e-mail and it stated that since my GPA did not exceed the requirements of the university I was academically disqualified from the university.
This experience change me, it change me because for the first time in my life I felt weak, fragile, powerless because I never being treated like this. I felt like in the cartoons when there is drunk being disruptive and the bartender grabs him by his pants and shirt and throws that person out into the street in a rainy day. This incident happened because I remember that my first semester I felt I was free, I could do whatever I want, I am an adult and I could do everything. This attitude got me into probation because I did not give my education my top priority. Then came the second semester, in this semester I went crazy with my social life, I partied every weekend, I skipped classes almost everyday, I did not study, I basically forgot about school and thus affecting my grades. The first two weeks after I received the e-mail I was angry with SDSU I blame them for kicking me out of the school even thought I knew that I brought this problem myself. Then came the two weeks of shame, I was embarrassed by this incident, my friends kept telling that how did I let this happened, I even thought of giving up my education. After this horrible month, something hit me in my mind, I started to analyze what happened to me and finally I realized that everything that occurred to me happened because of my lack of commitment, that SDSU was not the issue, I was. The next week I went to enroll to Southwestern College.
I thanked SDSU for "kicking" me out of the university because I learned a lot from this incident and more importantly I learned about myself. I learned that through passion and the perseverance to be successful one could overcome whatever obstacles one encounter even in the worst case. I am proud of what happened to me not because of what I did but rather what I became after being academically disqualified. I became a person of commitment and I understood that through hard work I could achieve anything in life. I learned that I could offer the University of California my passion, my knowledge, experience, and most importantly my skepticism to learn new things because as Socrates once said this "The unexamined life is not worth living."
I remember back in my freshmen year of high school I was arguing with my grade nine English teacher about a bad grade that she gave me in one of my essays. Because I knew that my essay was right on track, I composed an argument ...
Ha ha, very interesting! You have a great way of explaining your ideas.
But you can make arguments for purposes other than criminal defense. It is great to do what you are doing, but you can also do other things with your talent. Keep your options open.
Very good... as I finish reading, I feel confident about your future. You know, it is not uncommon for law students to get into politics. Maybe you will want to run for some office... Get involved in politics and see what interests you!
I think this essay is going to make a great impression because you have put more thought into the future than most teenagers do.
In the next essay, this ending seems strange:
I learned that I could offer the University of California my passion, my knowledge, experience, and most importantly my skepticism to learn new things because as Socrates once said this "The unexamined life is not worth living." None of this is really related to the theme of the essay. I think the ending should be revised to focus on the CHANGE that took place in you when you had tis experience of being "kicked out."
