First off, will colleges care if this is a little long? The instructions say that it should be less than 150 words, and mine is 185.
If it should be shorter, can someone point me in the right direction and tell me what to remove?
Here it is:
My parents introduced me to golf when I was eight years old. They purchased me a set of four clubs and drove to the local golf course to teach me how to play. From that point until I was fourteen I played very casually, maybe a dozen rounds per year, and showed little sign of improvement. At the end of eighth grade, it was announced that tryouts for the high school golf team were scheduled for the end of August. I began practicing. In three months, I brought my average score per nine holes down from a lax 60 to a completely honest, playing-by-the-rules 53. To my surprise, I received a phone call from the head coach three days after the tryouts informing me that I had made the team. I continued to improve gradually, although I was still nearly the worst on the team. In April I rented a locker at the course, and began riding my bike there every day I could. Since then I have continued playing on the team in the autumn and practicing obsessively during the spring and summer months.
If it should be shorter, can someone point me in the right direction and tell me what to remove?
Here it is:
My parents introduced me to golf when I was eight years old. They purchased me a set of four clubs and drove to the local golf course to teach me how to play. From that point until I was fourteen I played very casually, maybe a dozen rounds per year, and showed little sign of improvement. At the end of eighth grade, it was announced that tryouts for the high school golf team were scheduled for the end of August. I began practicing. In three months, I brought my average score per nine holes down from a lax 60 to a completely honest, playing-by-the-rules 53. To my surprise, I received a phone call from the head coach three days after the tryouts informing me that I had made the team. I continued to improve gradually, although I was still nearly the worst on the team. In April I rented a locker at the course, and began riding my bike there every day I could. Since then I have continued playing on the team in the autumn and practicing obsessively during the spring and summer months.
