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'Joining the tennis team' - University of Illinois essay check


jlee2648 1 / -  
Jan 2, 2012   #1
How have your past circumstances and experiences (such as your upbringing, community, and/or activities) impacted who you are, your future goals, and your choice of major? If you haven't decided on a college or major yet, briefly explain your intentions and aspirations for your first year at Illinois. Please limit your response to approximately 300 words.

I am still undecided

But from my essay am i answering the question?

It's not easy being shy. I've grown to believe my opinions would always be unimportant compared to peers. My decision was to wait for that opportunity to come to me. That idea was proven to be useless. I was constantly unhappy doubting myself, so i decided that i had to step up to my own confidence.

Joining the tennis team freshman year was the decision that brought it out of me. One day, on our way to the opponent's school, the song 'Get Low' by Lil' Jon started playing, and everyone began dancing. I was in my own world, singing and 'busting my moves' when I turned around and saw everyone staring at me. One girl shouted, "Keep Going!" I kept dancing, revealing all this energy I've never seen before. The team couldn't get enough of it. From that moment, being around them has encouraged my voice to grow. I've developed into a more energetic person, and this trait shines when I'm around new people.

Today, I've become a person constantly wanting to bring this new energetic and talkative trait out of others. Therefore, I've made the choices of joining track, volunteering at hospitals, and asking to be the first person to give their speech in a classroom.

My enthusiastic energy only wants to bring the best out of my first year at University of Illinois. Although I'm still undecided, the decisions I've made have helped me gain intentions I know I will set for myself in exploration at University of Illinois. I know I will be joining Illinois's volunteer program to highlight my enjoyment of working with others. I will continue to gain my energy though club sports. I've as well yearned to join Illinois culture club to increase being able to know more of a person and seeing my perspective with diverse knowledge. All these

Yeah I don't know if I'm answering the question with this conclusion.. ...could someone give me ideas??

ciiins 2 / 5  
Jan 3, 2012   #2
I think you should focused on what major are you going to take there and why you choose it. Give a little background behind your choice will be good too.

And I think you shouldn't say this phrase : "Although I'm still undecided (omitted)" because they might think that you are indecisive person.

:)


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